Digger (digzmania) wrote,
Digger
digzmania

  • Mood:

Apparently I've screwed up again, but I don't know how.

Bubbie,

So, yesterday evening, I took your advice and sent a message to Brandy asking her about whether or not she had received my Facebook friend request, and if there was a reason that she had not responded. I figured that maybe you were right. That she just hadn’t seen it, or had seen it and forgotten about it.

(Hopefully you can see the below chat bubbles. If not, let me know and I’ll forward them to you)

    THU 4:26 PM

    ME:
    I've noticed that you have not accepted any of my friend requests I have sent you in FB.

    I apologize if it is wrong of me to be so forward in asking, but have I offended you in some way?

    If so, I honestly want to know, so that I can apologize, acknowledge any way that I may have done wrong by you, and be able to take steps to make things right between us and repair our friendship.

    Hope all is well.
    Love you.
    Dwight.


    BRANDY
    I've actually only seen one request and truthfully it came through when we were in New York City and I haven't really given it much thought since then. When I unfriended you and blocked you you knew exactly why. And if you don't remember why I guess we could have a conversation about that again. Then I did unblock you So not you can see things that I'm tagged in and stuff like, but as far as our friendship I think it's completely fine.

    I hope things are well with you as well and I love you too.


    ME:
    I was worried that I had offended you again, in some way that I was not aware of since then.

    BRANDY:
    Nope. Not at all.


I didn’t really think about it much after that point, as I was trying to wrap up things at work and make sure I could get home to get the kids and order the pizza. It wasn’t until I was at my Mom’s house that I really took a good look at what she had said.

  • She saw my request, but it was while you guys were busy having fun in New York.
  • She had not thought about it since, so it was an issue where it was out of sight and out of mind.
  • She said that things were fine between us.

    I took all of these as positive things, so I decided to send her a new friend request as our conversation would be fresh in her mind.

    When I hit the “send friend request” Facebook spun for a minute or two, and popped up a message saying that the “action could not be completed” at this time, please try again.



    So, I waited a few minutes, and then hit “send friend request” again. Several times, and each time I got the same error message from Facebook. So I decided to wait a while before trying again.

    I’ve seen network issues like this before; but usually when trying to hit like on a status post or something like that. I figured I needed to give the network time to clear up. I closed out facebook entirely and set my phone down while I boxed up the left over pizza.

    As we were walking out the door, I saw that there were notifications from facebook. They turned out to be about half a dozen new likes on the photo you posted of us. So I clicked over to Brandy’s profile and hit the send friend request button again. This time it was successful. The little icon under her profile pic and background photo said that the request was sent.

    I was happy and excited. Brandy would get a new notification that I had sent her a friend request, and since our quick chat seemed good and she had said that our friendship was fine, I figured that she would accept it.

    When I logged into Facebook on my PC later in the evening, and started going through notifications, I didn’t see one from her accepting the friend request; but I realize that not everyone is a social media freak like me and didn’t really think anything of it. Although, there was a little voice in the back of my head that wondered if the request had truly sent from my phone because of the messages I had received about it not going through the first two or three times.

    When I clicked over to her page, the icon for “Friend request Sent” was missing, and there was no option to send a friend request. Her page looked different from other friend pages that I visit on a regular basis. The option to click follow, or to see first was also gone.

    I checked into what could cause this to happen, and learned that if a person receiving a friend request clicks “Delete Friend request” (thus declining it) that Facebook pops up an option to mark that person’s request as spam. Doing so prevents that person from ever being able to send you another friend request, and removes their option to follow you or prioritize when to see your posts on Facebook.

    So, Brandy hasn’t blocked me from seeing her presence on Facebook, but she has marked me as SPAM; which in fact blocks me from being able to be her friend on Facebook, from seeing when she posts on Facebook. Unless a family member is tagged in her posts, I don't see anything on her wall at all.

    I have no idea as to why she has done this. I don’t understand it at all. And it really has me feeling quite sad.

    I’ve always thought of Brandy not only as a friend, but as family. More so than even my sister in laws (Crystal and April), I’ve thought of her as if she were blood family. My sister.

    But, apparently, the feeling there is not mutual.


    From the moment Karen and I started dating I had always thought of Brandy as family and a close friend. Someone that I have trusted with anything and everything in our lives together. She was the only person in your group of friends that I always felt I could tell anything to, and go to as a trusted friend if ever I was in need. She always made a pint to listen, and to show that she cared. She always asked how we were doing, and then followed up with asking how I was doing. No one ever showed concern for me the way that Brandy had.

    This is a prerson that I have always thought I could want to raise my children should anything ever happen to us. I’ve trusted and confided in her like no one other than you.

    She has always been the person that people turn to when they need a person to listen. And she calls things the way that she sees them. Being completely honest even if it wasn’t exactly what that person wanted to hear.
    So, when I messed up and hurt her feelings back in May, I fully expected her to call me out on my bull shit, and tell me to get my act together. I expected the Brandy firm hand, and to be lectured or reeled back into reality. That is always what I have seen her do with the people she cares about, and knows who care about her.

    But, she didn’t do that. Instead of treating me like she treats everyone else and calling me out and making me be accountable for my miss deeds, she shut me out. She blocked me on social media, and didn’t talk to me. Even after I apologized, she didn’t act the way that I had always seen Brandy act in these kinds of situations. Why not?

    I expected more from her than that. My respect for her as the great mediator and no-nonsense no bull shit friend expected more than that from her.

    I was actually more stunned, and personally hurt, by the fact that she didn’t call me out on my shit and make me talk it out with her, than I was about the fact that she unfriended me on Facebook. But then again, family doesn’t unfriend family on social media, at least not for more than a day or two to get the point across. So, did that mean that I wasn’t family? Does that mean that I have always held her friendship in higher regard than she did mine?

    I don’t know the answer to that. But her latest reaction to me sending her a friend request doesn’t help much in helping me believe otherwise.

    I still love Brandy as if she were my own blood sister. I care about what she thinks, and how she feels.

    But, apparently I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t understand what to do to make things right, or how to get back to the level of friendship that I had always believed we had between us. Maybe I was wrong? I don’t know.

    But, the way it is apparently between us right now makes me so very sad.
    I guess I always believed our friendship was much more than what it was/is.
    I guess we aren't friends any more.

    I’m sorry. Looks like I’ve screwed up again.
  • Tags: friend, friends, friendship, relationships
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