I feel a bit guilty for letting her have a cigarette at all, but it's only two a day; and it is so sexy to watch her smoke while I "take care of business." She even told me a story about shaving my head bald while she smoked last night.
I sincerely hope it's not just a story. I would love for her to smoke while she cut my hair off, then shaved me bald.
For the past 17 months, I've thought this fantasy and dream was dead. She quit smoking on May 31st, 2013. The fact that she quit before keeping her promise to be my Sexy Barberette has plagued me ever since. I've spent every wish on a falling star, or a lost eyelash, and even the thanksgiving turkey wishbone, hoping that she would find a way to smoke just enough to finally keep her promise to me.
Now, I have hope that it might actually come true. The only fathomable reason why she would be smoking again now, is because she realizes how important the barberette promise was to me, and she plans to give me an erotic haircut sometime soon.
Until then, I'll keep rationing out the cigarettes at two a day. I know social smokers that only smoke a couple of cigarettes per day. Maybe Karen has a handle on this and could be like that too. A couple a day is like nothing. You get more smoke exposure from a night at a bar than that.
I don't want to jinx it, but I am so excited that having Karen give me a haircut and shaving my head might actually be a reality again. I certainly hope so.
The past few days have been like an answer to my prayers. A literal miracle. Karen has shown more intimate and erotic interest in me these past four days, than she has shown to me in more than a year's worth of connections combined.
i wish that were an exaggeration, but it's not. I have been so lonely, neglected, and emotionally abandoned in this marriage. Just within the past few weeks, I have been seriously considering whether or not I can continue to emotionally invest in this marriage any longer. I still don't know where I would go, but I have been considering leaving her. The thought of staying in our relationship the way it has been for the past couple of years has just become too painful.
But, BAM! Out of the blue, this happens, and it is like some sign, or miracle. I hate to put in in terms that sounds like "my wife's smoking saved our marriage;" but the conversation, closeness, and attention that I have received from Karen over these past days has caused me to pause and seriously reconsider. For the first time in months, I WANT to stay. Maybe there is still something in there (in Karen) that I can reach out to and hold onto.
That fact makes me want to have her keep her promise and shave my head even more. Her keeping the original promise, to be my Sexy Barberette for three months, while shaving my head and having scheduled intimacy with me for the duration of that time period, could possibly jump start our love life again. Maybe we could find that intimate connection again. Not just the sex, but really connecting and bonding.
I think I need to invest in a new set of clippers. And, to help get things back on track, I just put $100 back into my Ameristar Hotel fund. It's time to start thinking about shaving this long hair off of my head.
For the first time in 17 months, I HAVE HOPE again.