Digger (digzmania) wrote,

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FULL BLOWN Meltdown - Another Panic Attack (Including sobbing tears)

Immediately after posting the previous journal entry, I started shaking while sitting at my desk and broke down in sobbing tears. the harder I tried not to cry, the harder I sobbed. I couldn't stop.

I was so embarrassed. I was breaking down and losing my mind right there in front of the entire office crew. I'm so tired, and worried, and feeling so alone.... that I could not control my own body, tears, and emotions.

I git up and rushed out of the office. Thankfully, no one followed me. I plugged in my earbuds, pulled up some music on Pandora, and headed up for the third floor of the mezzanine box racking.

I didn't know what to do. All I could think of was that I wished I could just go home and have Karen hold me. But Karen wouldn't be there at home, so there was nowhere for me to go. No one for me to turn to.

I just started walking, as fast as I could without running. I walked, and went up and down the back staircase for the next 99 minutes. that's how long it took for me to calm down and stop crying.

I am such a total mess right now. I'm not even able to think straight. I can't trust my own assessment or judgement of the situations around me, because I am so mentally and emotionally tired right now.

I desperately need sleep.

I need someone to hold me, and just tell me that everything will be OK. I need to know that everything will be OK, and that my Karen will be safe while she is away. I need to hear her soothing voice in my ear. I wish I could chat with her, but I don't want to pull her away form having fun.

And then,... MAYBE I can sleep.
Tags: embarrassed, loneliness, lonely, panic attack, sleep, sleep deprived, sleepy, stress, stressed
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