Digger (digzmania) wrote,

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I Need (New ?) Friends

The caption in the bitmoji cartoon states, "I need new friends." But the fact is that I just need friends, or at least A friend. I'll gladly start with even just one.

At this moment, EVERYONE that I actually care enough about to consider, or would hope to call, A BEST FRIEND (or even a close and trusted friend) is away on a fun trip to NYC .

A trip that I asked to be included in, and to able to go on, on multiple occasions; and was specifically informed I was "not invited."

Which supports my belief that at the bottom line is that I have no close friends. Karen has friends. Karen has lots of close friends. Those friends are always cordial towards me when she and I are together. But I am, and I forever will be, an outsider to all of them. As much as I want to be, or as hard as I may ever try to be, I will NEVER be a “part of their group.”

I'm the third wheel looking in. The mongrel dog darting around the perimeter of the social life, scrambling to scoop up any thing dropped or handed under the table as leftovers.

When it comes to people that I can trust or rely upon, or who would include me as a part of their plans for an adventure such as this... I truly am ALL ALONE. I am Friendless.
I’m so tired of living like this.

Even my own wife has admitted to my face: "If we weren’t married, I wouldn’t be your friend." Just the other night, she stated that she does not feel connected to me; outside of us being married to me, having children together, and being roommates in the same house.</p>

I am so utterly, and pathetically, ALONE in this world.

Just last night, I was clicking through a bunch of the quizzes and memes that I see facebook acquaintances posting to their wall; and I saw one that was titled, "WHO ARE YOUR FRIENDS."
So, I clicked it, let it log in through facebook, and the following image is what it spit out as my results...

HOW APPROPRIATELY FITTING? Every friend spot came back BLANK.

The people in my life would be better off without me taking up space in it.
Even if I'm not to the point of trying to kill myself, the pain from the loneliness is already doing that from the inside out.

As much as I like to write, I am unable to express this level of pain in words that would adequately express how I feel right now.

I wish I could just curl up in the fetal position and pass away.
Tags: agony, alone, friend, friends, friendship, loneliness, lonely, pathetic
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