Doing it all for my baby, 'cause she's as sweet as she can be. Doin it all for my Bubbie, 'cause everything she's done for me.Posted by Dwight Mullen on Monday, September 19, 2011
SEP 19th, 2011 was a weird and crazy day, that wrapped up a weird and crazy month, where I was not in my right mind or sensibilities. That day, I compromised and forsook my true self and desires. that day, I took what I thought was an easy end to several means, but only managed to cheat on my wife (in my heart), and cheat myself out of an experience that I so desperately wanted to share with her (and only her).
After all of that, who would have ever guessed that six years later, I would still be waiting and hoping to share that special experience with my wife? And, it doesn't matter how many times, or how many ways, I ask for her to share in this desire for her to fulfill this act if trust, devotion, and intimacy with me; it just never happens.
I go as far as to provide dates, and places, and opportunities; and they all pass with nothing so much as a blip of interest for her.
I've left postit notes on her cigarettes, texts, IM's, twitter messages, you name it. Begging her tp shave my head, and to quit smoking again.
I don't know why. It seems that I just never seem to do things right by Karen. I always seem to mess things up one way or another. Or, maybe, she just doesn't want me the way I want her any more. Maybe I'm just not good enough. I'm not worth the effort. There used to be a time when I was. I'm not sure when, or why, that changed.
Maybe some day I'll get it right, and it will.