I was sitting in the bathroom a short while ago, and I heard Karen come in from the garage. She was doing something in the kitchen for quite a bit, and then I heard her let out a short, frustrated, shout; followed by the following (said in a strained voice):
"I hate you! Oh God, how I just want a divorce and be done with you!"
Karen was not aware that I was upstairs, and unaware that I could hear what she was saying.
45 seconds later (I was still holding my breath, wondering what I possibly could have done wrong, and waiting for the verbal onslought and tongue lashing) Karen came rushing down the hall exclaiming that she needed to pee.
With me still sitting on the toilet of the main bathroom, she was forced to go to the back bathroom.
She has still not yet told me what I did wrong to make her utter those hurtful words, and even now she is giving me the silent treatment. What crimes am I supposedly guilty of having committed? Why is she upset? Why has she not told me what is wrong?
If I need to apologize for something, I dont even know what it is that I need to apologize for.
This is so stressful and unfair.
It's down right emotional abuse.
But, even worse, what is so wrong with me that she would say she wants a divirce?
She knows how hurtful, and demoralizing that word is to me. Even its mere utterance tells me that I can not trust any other action or word that comes from her at this time.
Saying the word "divorce," even once, erases YEARS of "I love you." It tells me that every hug, kiss, or act of love and kindness is nothing but a lie.
As of right now, her love bank is at a zero balance. All credits and funds deposited prior to today have been stamped null and void.
That's how powerful the utterance of the word, or even the hinted threat of, divorce is to me.
As of right now, I love Karen with all my heart; but I don't trust her. She has to start over, and earn that back.
Until that time, I feel like I'm walking on broken glass, my skin pierced and bleeding the lifeblood of my heart.
I'm so confused. What have I done? Why am I never good enough?