The surprise birthday dinner, that was supposed to kick off our New York Adventure, has imploded before it could even get into the starting position.
I've had the theme for this birthday laid out and ready to go for four (4) years. It's probably not entirely unique, but quite clever. At least everyone I've shown my work and ideas to has thought so.
But I aparantly didn't plan the final execution phase well enough. Or, maybe not soon enough. I don't know, and at this point I'm not entirely certain I care.
As per my standard MO, the surprise is no longer a surprise.
The thought and care of the intention to be spontaneous, thoughtful, and romantic is laying in a soggy pile of ashes where the bright fires of my heart's inspiration, creativity and ideas once burned. And I once again find myself in damage control mode, trying to see what, if anythibg, can be salvaged from the mess I created.
As for right this moment, Im just numb and "done."
I'd like to tell myself that this is the LAST time that I try to surprise Karen with a display of my love, affection, respect, and adoration for the woman I love.
But, wecall know that by the very natute of that last sentence, those are the very reasons why I will try, try, and try again.
And, of course.... I'll fail, like always.
It's a viscious circle, and my curse to bear.