Digger (digzmania) wrote,

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Feeling really jealous of this guy

He gets to have a Blonde, Bobbed, Barberette shave his head bald

Was viewing my daily subscription updates on Youtube, and this video popped up in a list of recently trending videos, as a charity event, titled John's Shave. Of course it caught my eye, and I had to click on it.

His friend, Beth, had been urging him to cut his hair since around March. So when he mentioned that he was going to cut it for charity, she claimed dibs on being the one to shave him bald.

John is shaving his head in a UK event that is similar to St. Baldrick's.

I'm definitely jealous. My long hair suits me much better than his did him (mine truly does look better long), and I am in no way comparing this woman to my wife, as my wife is much hotter in my eyes.... But, this scenario, of a curvy, BLONDE, barberette, with cute bobbed hair, having fun while cutting and shaving her friend's long hair off to bald,... it is exactly the scenario that I had been wanting and hoping that Karen would be sharing with me this Fall.

I was looking back through my journal entries, and was amazed at exactly how many times I mentioned that same scenario over and over again; going all the way back to when she first went blonde.

Within the past 4 years (since April 21st, 2012), the journal tag "barberette" (meaning that some portion of the entry specifically talks about me wanting Karen to cut or shave my hair) has been used more than 80 times. That averages out to about one reference every 2 1/2 weeks. Additionally, the journal tag "blonde" has been used in conjunction with barberette at least 49 times.

That tells me that the frequency at which I have been asking and pleading with Karen to shave my head has increased in recent months/years, and has specifically fixated on her being a BLONDE haired barberette at the time that my long hair hits the floor.

With that realization in mind, I'm not exactly certain where that leaves me at this time. I'm not sure about how I feel about moving forward on recent thoughts about cutting my hair or not cutting my hair.

Karen's hair is not currently blonde. It's red. I was excited about the possibility of seeing her blonde hair get bobbed off, and maybe later even cropped really short. But with the red hair, I pray she lets it get as long as it can possibly grow. Opposite color schemes, and opposite fantasies.

Regardless of any of that, I have to decide what I am going to do with MY hair. It's time for Karen to try to quit smoking again; and right now, I'm the missing puzzle piece that is keeping her from making that decision for herself.

This would have all been SO MUCH EASIER if she could have waited just two more months before making me color her blonde hair red. It would for sure have been much easier if my wife would take a personal interest in me, and take the time to read my journal entries from time to time.

So, what's next? I don't know.

If you would have asked me on June 19th, I would have told you my detailed plan to have Karen shave my head, begin the gradual transition from blonde to red/red-brown,  and quit smoking all at the same time.

Now, I'm all mixed up again. All f'd up and confused. Right now, I'm not sure of anything other than that I know Karen can't keep putting her health at risk.

It might be another year, or two, or three, before she has any itch of a desire to try blonde hair again. Theoretically, I can wait it out. My hair is on my head and basically just has to not fall out for that scenario. But we can't afford to gamble with Karen's health for that long. That part of the equation (the smoking barberette) needs a more immediate resolution, or I have to just let the fantasy go all together once and for all.

Maybe I just wasn't obvious enough, about how much I wanted her to be my Blonde Bombshell Barberette? (Here are just a few examples, from the past year)

08/31/2015: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/745588.html
09/04/2015: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/745468.html
09/24/2015: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/743821.html
09/25/2015: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/737298.html
10/21/2015: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/741552.html
12/09/2015: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/774958.html
01/14/2016: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/784331.html (Pay special attention to #5 on the list)
02/14/2016: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/828370.html (Special request for my birthday)
04/21/2016: http://digzmania.livejournal.com/810955.html

Tags: bald, barberette, blonde, blonde hair, broken heart, broken promises, broken spirit, karen, karen's hair, shaved head
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