Digger (digzmania) wrote,

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Back to the Old Drawing Board - Starting Over


As much as I truly love watching my wife smoke a sexy, long, white cigarette; I also worry about the effects on her health. Now and then she will mention that she is tired of smoking. On several occasions, she has said that she is only still smoking because of me.

Although her sexy blonde hair is long gone, and the whole Blonde Bombshell Barberette fantasy (A year's worth of hopes, dreams, and fantasies) is now tossed out the door and flushed down the toilet (There will be no Blonde Bob cuts, no Blonde Cropped hair, and sadly... no Blonde Barberette); there's still the issue that Karen feels obligated to keep smoking, until she has been able to fulfill her original promise to shave my head for me.

Whether or not this one factor is entirely the case; If she truly wants to quit, I don't want to be a reason that makes her feel that she can't quit smoking again.

Blonde Barberette or not, I guess this means I still need to give up my long hair; so that we can close this chapter in our lives, and provide the clean slate to help both of us move on. In the long run (in theory) we will both be happier for it.

My hair has just recently finally gown back to the length that I truly prefer. But, as I've said before, my hair will grow back (albeit slowly).

Based upon how long it took for me to grow it out, since I last had it buzzed high-n-tight, in April of 2012, I will be nearly 50 years old by the time I have my hair back to the way it is right now. Provided I can even still grow hair this long, without bald spots, by then.

As negative as what I just said might sound, it's a FAR better outlook than than the risks Karen potentially faces. My hair will grow back. The growing risk to Karen's health, should she continue smoking, becomes more and more of a concern as time goes by (and as she gets older). And once her health is gone,... unlike hair, it doesn't grow back. I would never want that.


I am guilty of the accusation of enabling Karen in continuing her smoking habit. I'm every bit as addicted to her cigarettes as she is.

I enjoy watching her light up when we get in the car together, or after we come out of a restaurant or store. I enjoy watching her smoke at the bar, or at a party. I LOVE watching her smoke while she is waiting for her hair to finish processing a color/bleach application, while she is still draped in a hair cape. I love going out to the garage on smoke breaks with her. I love the smell. I love the taste on her breath; especially when she kisses me. I love the faint smell of smoke that mixes with her perfume. All of those things send hormone surges through my body that are like an intoxicating drug. She takes a puff, and gets a surge of nicotine; which in turn releases the hormones adrenaline and epinephrine into her body. She takes a puff and my body floods itself with adrenaline, testosterone, endorphins, and naturally occurring oxytocin. It's more intense and addictive than any drug I've ever encountered. (In the past I've found it easier to give up soda and sugar, than to want to give up watching Karen smoke)

But, Karen is currently smoking almost a pack a day, and that really concerns me. It seems like that is just way too much. Based upon a person being awake for 16 hours out of any given day, this would mean that Karen is smoking one cigarette every 48 minutes. It makes me feel even worse to think that continues to do so because of me.

So, I need to start the process that will allow her to quit. Which means I need to let her cut my hair off, so she can fulfill her original promise to be my sexy "Fetish Barberette" for 90 days. Then she can quit once and for good, and we will both start off with a clean slate by New Year's.

My Wood Badge Beading ceremony is coming up in August, and Karen's 25 year High School Reunion is the first or second weekend in September. After that, there's pretty much nothing that's major on our social calendar (other than possibly a family portrait; which we haven't done in several years now) that should be an excuse to not let her cut my hair off.

I just really wish the Blonde Bombshell Barberette scenario could have happened. At least with that scenario, I was actually excited about having Karen cut my hair. What sucks is, now, I kind of feel like I'm just planning on doing it because I have to. I need to think some more about this for a while; but I feel like time is against me on this topic.

It might be different if Karen were a social smoker; or even could drastically cut down on how often, and how much, she smokes. I wish that she could be that person that only smokes when she goes out to a bar, or when she is doing certain sexual things with me. A few here and there, or even maybe one or two a day. She may not like smoking, but she enjoys it. A little too much I suppose... and that's not good for her.


During my lunch break today, I took a quick look at the Ameristar Hotel's price calendar, and browsed the "online reservations" discount rates. The current price list goes through September 30th. I was hoping that I would be able to see prices in October (specifically right around Halloween time, right before we leave on our trip), but I suppose that September 30th will do.

Actually, at this point, I really don't give a rat's ass about the when. Get us a room at the Ameristar tomorrow night, and I'll gladly and proudly be bald before the midnight bell rings in Thursday morning.

It scares the shit out of me, but I want my wife to shave my head so bad I can't stand it. And as bad as I want and need to have her cut my hair and shave me bald, I so desperately want to see her quit smoking again.

It may be a sexual turn on, but I hate it. I hate seeing her go out to smoke as soon as she wakes up. I hate seeing her go out to smoke before she lays down to sleep.

I just want this one last fantasy with the love of my life, and then I will gladly beg her to quit.

Tags: barberette, haircut, smoking fetish
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