Digger (digzmania) wrote,

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I'm not hen-pecked. It's about respect and courtesy, born out of love.

This afternoon, the girls from work invited me out for girls night out tomorrow night. They've been trying to get me to come join their group on a night out (almost always on pay-day) for quite some time now. But I always turn them down because Payday Friday Nights are date night for Karen and I. (although, I later learned that this Friday will be school supply shopping night)

Besides, they only invited me; and going to a social engagement, without your spouse, especially on an evening where that person has been looking forward to that that evening being with friends, as a couple (especially if it is for an event they have greatly looked forward to, and anticipated for quite some time), would be in very poor taste, and not very respectful of my wife.

This specific weekend, I would really like to go. The Saturday plans that I have looked forward to for several months have fallen through (no one's fault really, it just happened that way), and I could really use a fun evening with friends to cheer me up.

Anticipating that I would turn them down as usual, they waited until today to extend the usual invite. I really wanted to tell them yes, and say that I would join them this time around. But I would need to be able to offer the courtesy to my wife of having told my friends that I would need to ask, and discuss it with her, before accepting their invitation. And by the time I had been invited, my wife had made me aware of her plans for Friday evening. She takes priority in my life; not just because she's my wife, but because I love her and I want her to be at the top of my priority list in all things.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I "can't go out and have fun," because of my wife. That's not it at all. It's not an issue of trust, or of permission. But simply an issue of courtesy and respect.

I'm a 45 year old adult. I don't need Karen's permission to go out, or be with other friends with or without her being there. But, I know that she has expected that this time slot in our schedules would be an evening that we would spend together. As her husband, partner, and friend, I would want to know how she felt about any changes in my/our plans, before I made any plans or commitments to anyone else.  She's my wife. And, even though she would most likely tell me to go and enjoy my time with friends... I also have to respect that she might say no. That she might have reason to need to be with me, or want that time with me. So, I need (and always should want) to be mindful of her needs and feelings in the matter. I owe her that amount of respect and courtesy.

Yep. That's just one of the many ways that allow us to show our partners that we truly wish to treat them with respect and courtesy. Not everyone follows these guidelines in their relationship... But That's how I roll.

UPDATE: The girsl from work had to change their schedule at the l;ast minute, and will be going out saturday night instead. They asked me again, just to see if that made a difference in me being able to go. I ran it past Karen, to make sure she would be OK with that, and  she told me to "go have fun."
Tags: courtesy, karen, relationships, respect, trivia night
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