While we were celebrating our friend’s 40th birthday, last night, the subject of their upcoming trip to New York came up in discussion as the evening waned on. There was a lengthy discussion about whether or not they were all on the same flight, and whether or not the time of the flight had changed. Some persons had received notice of a time change, while others were concerned that they were on a different flight, because they had a different time in their last confirmed email on the itinerary.
As that discussion wrapped up, and all concerned were reassured that they were in fact on the same flight, with the same take off times, there were one or two individuals in attendance that had not previously known about the trip; and out of curiosity they asked who would be going. The response from the birthday girl was that the group of friends had all gotten together and decided to plan a trip to NYC for “anyone that wanted to go.” (The exact words that were spoken)
Her step father apparently took exception to that phrasing of the situation (as did I, but I remained silent on the matter), and he shouted out, “That’s not true. That’s not true.” The question came back asking him, “what’s not true?” He responded, “That’s not true that anyone who wanted to go is getting to go. I was told that this is a “girls only” trip.”
It was silent for a moment, and then the birthday girl responded, “Do you want to go? Anyone who wants to go can come. You can come if you want to.” (exact words spoken)
For the next few minutes, the issue of whether or not he would have really wanted to fly up to NY with them (it sounded like they were implying that he doesn’t like to fly… IDK), to which he responded that he would gladly have driven to NYC and met them there. The conversation went back and forth for a few more minutes, but the most interesting part was that it had been said, and was repeated at least twice more after this point in the conversation, that “ANYONE who wants to go, can/could go.” The birthday girl, herself, from her own mouth, was very adamant about establishing that fact; and implying that no one was intentionally excluded.
"ANYONE, who wants to go can go."
I know that statement to be a UNTRUE.
Because THAT is not what I was told. I had wanted to go, and would still give anything to go back to NYC again (even though I was just there in May. It was such a fun trip that I am already hoping that we will get to go again sometime in the near future.); but I was specifically told that I could not go. It was a “girls only” (+ Matty) trip. Karen told me that she asked, and that everyone else involved in the trip had responded with a definite “NO! there would be no husbands, or others outside the ‘6 pack” group and the two moms, allowed on this trip.”
So, someone is Lying here.
I would like to think that it’s not Karen, but I honestly don’t know anymore. It would not be the first time that I’ve learned that I could have come along on an outing, or dinner, with this group of friends, and the only person that had said “no” was Karen herself; and not the others in the group. What it all boiled down to was that she wanted time away from me and the kids, and to be with this group of friends without the family in tow. That’s fine. I can understand that. But why the LIES? It’s the lies, and the dishonesty (whether intentionally spoken, or implied through omission of information) that concern me. Knowing about the dishonestly plants the seed of distrust and worry, even if there really is none there for that to be founded upon.
And then, it was brought up in last night’s conversations that there would be other people not in the “Girls’ Group” joining them while they are in NYC. Cousins (one of each gender, a HUSBAND and wife). Well, that seems to further contradict things previously established.
“But if you fail to keep your word (kept a promise, or have told untruths), then you will have sinned against the Lord, and be sure your sin will find you out.” – Numbers 32:23
“There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known” – Luke 12:2
Well, it’s out there now. The lie has been found out. The fact that I don’t know who lied does not lessen the sting of the issue; but it is too late to do anything about it now. Besides, bringing anything about it up now would surely only cause more issues than it might possibly solve.
I got to go to NYC, on my own terms, and was thankfully able to be there with my Sweet Bubbie Bee to share those grand adventures together. I achieved so many bucket list items, and ran the streets of the Big Apple with my girl by my side. We explored and experienced them for the first time, together. No one can ever take those memories, and those adventures away from me. Not even this issue of deception on the part of someone (and I’ll probably never know who) in my circle of friends can tarnish or diminish that.
But, the circle of trust just shrank in both circumference and diameter.
That is the part that truly makes me sad.
I’m excited for Karen to have the opportunity to go on this trip (although I do wish I were going with her), and I am excited that my friend (who is like a sister to me) will hopefully have a grand adventure to celebrate her 40th birthday. I hope all in the group have a safe and wonderful time together.
But someone lied. That lie affected me, and excluded me from doing something with the group I call friends. And I have no barometer or measure to determine the source of that lie.
So, the circle of trust shrinks just a bit further, and the walls of self-preservation go a bit higher.
I hate to have to admit it, but it’s getting a little tight in here.
But, in the end, it will all be okay. Why? Because I dearly love each and every person that is in or at the edge of that Circle. Especially this group. some days I question why, but I know the answer is because they are my family. and family loves family, even when you don't always agree with what they've said or done.