Digger (digzmania) wrote,
Digger
digzmania

Why? Because I asked you too.

Something that I hear so many times that it makes me want to scream, is Karen asking "Why do you want me to...?" "Why do I always have to...?" "Why do you always...?" "What makes you think that I would..."?

In each of these cases, and the thousands more that I don't have time or space to list, it is in response to me asking her to do something that I would genuinely appreciate for her to do for me. The question being asked of me is not a real question, in the sense that she wants a genuine answer. It is (in the simplest of matter of fact terms) her default way of showing her annoyance at my request, and an indication that she has shut out any possible consideration for further discussion on the matter.

EXAMPLE: Just this evening, I asked her if she would consider wearing the leather skirt I bought her several years ago (and which she has still yet to even model for me, much less wear out on an evening) to the Bon Jovi concert tomorrow night.

I checked the weather for Memphis, and the evening is supposed to be very comfortable. Neither too cold or too hot. The event is one at which many other women (of many age groups) will be attired in similar fashion. (I know this based upon my attendance of the Bon Jovi concert here in St Louis just last month).

There is nothing about this request, for her to finally have the perfect event for such a skirt, that could be considered unusual or out of place.

I approached the subject by asking if she had any leggings/stockings that she could wear under the skirt. If not, we had plenty of time to take a quick trip to the store to purchase said needed item, if required. Besides,... I know better, from thousands of past experiences, than to just outright ask her to wear the skirt without some sort of segue into the topic for conversation.

She immediately started countering with reasons why she couldn't possibly wear the skirt:

  • "You don't wear stockings under a leather skirt." (This is in direct contradiction to past conversations, when she has told me that she would have to wear some sort of stockings or leggings under the skirt)

  • "Besides, I don't have a top to go with it." (Bitch, please! You have had nearly 5 years to go buy a top to go with the skirt. I have seen tops that would go great with this skirt hanging on our clothes bar. this is NOT an acceptable excuse)

  • "You just need to get the leather skirt out of your head." (With that statement, all I can think back is "I so hate you, right now." How about you actually find a way to consider it in yours?)

    THEN.. she starts in with the "WHY" questions.

    Why do you always want me to wear that skirt? Why do you always bring that skirt up? Why? Why? Why? The questions go on until I have obviously been worn down and stop pursuing the issue; which was her only goal in persistently asking in the first place.


    I'll tell you why. BECAUSE I ASKED.


    Have you ever stopped to consider, that me asking something of you might be reason enough for you to do just it? Have you EVER thought of my feelings or needs as being reason enough to just make a simple choice to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING that I ask of you; without it first having to be an argument,or me having to plead over and over before you wear down and "give in?"


    Here's my WHY question.

    WHY am I (just because I am me, your friend, your lover, your husband) NEVER simply a good enough of a reason to do something that I ask you to do FOR ME?

    WHY does it never even cross your conscious thought to seek out the things that would bring me simple delight and pleasure, by doing things you KNOW I would appreciate?



    I didn't ask you to wear a neon sign, making an outrageous personal or political statement. I didn't ask you to carve or tattoo my name into our skin. I didn't ask you to break the law, or commit a social taboo that would bring shame and scorn upon you. I didn't ask you to do something that would cause harm (physical, emotional, or otherwise) to any other person. I didn't ask you to sing or deliver a speech in public. I didn't ask you to make some irreversible change to your personality or appearance (like shaving your head, or acting like a street walker).

    I SIMPLY asked you to wear a leather skirt, to a rock concert. An event where other women will be wearing skirts, pants, dresses, of similar fashion.

    WHY is that so hard? Why is that such an impossible thing for you to do?

    When I first bought that skirt for you, the first excuse that you provided was that I never take you anywhere that would be an appropriate fit for an outfit that included that skirt.

    That statement is no longer true (ans was not even then).

    The simple fact is that you would prefer to argue and fight me about everything and anything that I ASK you to do for me. I am convinced that you derive some sort of sick thrill and pleasure from it. It's sadistic and cruel.

    You either have no concept or appreciation for what it means to want to do things, simply for the reason that you know it would bring happiness to the person (the one person who you should actually WANT to do things for) it would matter most to; or you have some deep seated hatred for me that prevents you from ever being able to let yourself do even the simplest of things that you know I would cherish.

    While I am at it, I have a few other questions for you:

  • Does wearing lipstick or lip gloss cause you physical pain? Does it poison you in some way, or make you ill? Does applying it take so much time that it is impossible for you to apply it before we walk out the door for a date night?

    Or is it the simple fact that it might turn me on, or make me glance in your direction or smile at you a bit too much for your liking, enough of a reason to avoid something I'v asked you to do on occasion for me?

  • Does it ever cross your mind to show me affection in front of people we know?
    I'm not saying we have to make out at a party, or you have to hang on me like some love-sick teenager.

    But... It would be nice to hear you say something positive about me in front of your friends now and then. Or to see you post something romantic or flirty on your social media. (You have a bitmoji account too, if it makes it easier to just post something that is already made up)
    Take a selfie of the two of us with your phone, and YOU post something about us. You are all too eager to jump into a photo with Matty or the girls. Why not me, too? (I'll let you stand behind me and peek over my shoulder, like you do in many of those photos, if that makes it easier for you.)

  • Do you ever think about (intentionally) flirting with me? Or about initiating romantic or sexual encounters with me? (I need to feel wanted and desired too)

    I'm not talking about you sending me a text saying"I'm going out, if you want to come on up", or "I'm getting ready to go to bed if you want some."

    I would love it if you would truly invite me to make love to you, by telling me that you want me, or would enjoy having me make love to you.

    Better yet, put some suspense and excitement into it by making it a mind game that builds the fire. Dress super hot and sexy for a date night, and let me know that you expect me to make a move on you later that night when we get home. Flirt with me at dinner. Tease me under the table. Sneak flirty touches or grabs at me while we are doing our shopping, or while we are out with friends at a social gathering. Build the tension inside my mind, and in my body, so that I know you want me to spring on you when we are finally alone in our room later that night.

    Chase me every once in a while, so that I know you still find me attractive, desirable, and love me in that way.
  • Tags: relationships, sex
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