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PLEASE NOTE: Beginning with entries created after JAN 1, 2011, the majority of this journal is now "FRIENDS ONLY" and can only be viewed by mutually friended Live Journal users logged in to their own LiveJournal account.



My daily TWEETS from TWITTER, Writer's Block entries, and a few general updates will still remain public.

If you would like to READ MY FRIENDS ONLY POSTS, all you have to do is create a LiveJournal account, add me as a friend to your account, and then submit a Friend Request in writing via the email address below.

Email me at: ursasolus@hotmail.com Please take a moment to introduce yourself, and briefly explain why you would like to have access to my friend's only entries. Don't forget to include the username that I will need to look for in my "also friend of" list..

I'm not terribly secretive about my writing, I just like to know who is reading my Journal Entries, and the musings of my mind.



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  • Thu, 06:10: So TIRED! Something (???) woke me @ around 4:35 AM, & I've been sitting here trying to go back to sleep for nearly 90 min now. 😴 Need Sleep!
  • Thu, 06:14: Finally ready to doze off, but there's ONLY 56 min until my alarm goes off to get Dini ready for school. NOT GOOD. So tired. So sad.😢 Need 😴
  • Thu, 07:20: https://t.co/kIVlcNHcfd

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  • Sat, 21:11: BP 134/88. I guess this proves that a change such as trying to eat right, & starting any amt of exercise can have positive results. 13 days+

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  • Thu, 01:21: It looks like a shaken snow globe outside. The falling snow has brought a muted hush to the night, and you can hear the snow as it lands.
  • Thu, 01:54: Alarm goes off at 7:10 AM. I've got to get some sleep.😴 Even if the kids end up having a snow day, I still have to shower & go in to work.

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  • Wed, 01:54: Ugh! Can't sleep. 😞 I'm plenty tired and ready to sleep. Just can't get my brain to turn off long enough to let the rest of me get there. 😴😭

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No, this is not my New Year's resolution. It's my declaration and will to live a healthier life.

I've told myself before that I am tired of being fat. Tired of being out of shape. Tired of watching my body get softer and more out of control.

In the past I've made excuses: If only I had the right exercise equipment. If only I had a gym membership. If only I had the right clothing to go out and walk, jog, run in my free time at night. If only someone else would do this with me. IF ONLY...

Well, I've said if only too many times. I've watched too many others that have said "if only" who have died of heart attacks or suffered strokes. I've watched my blood pressure steadily rise year after year, until the doctor is thinking I need medicine to control it. I've felt my blood sugars start to fluctuate in ways that are concerning to me. I see myself out of breath doing routine tasks, and it terrifies me.

I don't want to be that next statistic. Christmas morning, I stepped on the scale, and it told me that I weighed just over 260 pounds. That's the heaviest I have EVER been in my life. And trust me, I feel it; and it does not feel good.

So, I am now 6 days into a new plan of attack; aided by the Fitbit Charge 2 HR that karen bought me for Christmas. I've already lost nearly 7 pounds, and aside from being very ill with a nasty cold the past few days, I'm starting to see the beginning benefits to my daily actions and routine.

I've found that I don't need fancy equipment. I can climb the stairs right here in my house. Building strength in my legs, and triggering a fat burning heart rate as I climb up, and allowing a brief cool down of the muscles, while keeping moving on my way down. No need to kill myself all at once, just a set of 10 several times a day.

No need to fancy weights. I can lift water jugs while sitting right here in my comfy computer chair, and help strengthen my arms, chest and shoulders; all a little bit at a time.

I can lose weight through a combination of movement and heart conditioning, while counting my daily caloric intake. More calories out than in, and I should get steady results. Making sure that I am active (aerobic or fat burn heart rate) for at least 30 minutes every day. Making better food choices. realizing just what and how much of what I am putting into my body.

One huge step... No soda (unless it's a special occasion, like out to the movies, ballpark, etc...), no drinking jugs of sweet tea in a single day. Sweet tea will be my treat with dinner, or a morning caffeine boost. But the rest of the day will be water. Lots and lots of water. I am making a commitment to be sure my body is hydrated. I'm starting with a goal of 50 oz of water, above and beyond my usual drinking, each and every day. When I get a hunger pain, drink water. When I'm bored, drink water. When I wake up, drink water. Eat a meal, drink water.

I know that it's not always going to be easy. But I know that if I start with realistic goals (I'm not going to be muscle bound, or running marathons in weeks or months), and form those goals into habits (they say it only takes 21 days to form a habit, and I'm 6 days in), I have to believe that I can do this.

I HAVE to do this... or else I fear my name will be in the IN MEMORIAM category by this time next year.


Start small. Stay the course. Set goals, and make them SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Timely-Trackable)

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Unlike STAR WARS, Episode IV: A New Hope, I'm about all out of hope.


Today marks the 54th month since the original June 2012 "I'll shave your head" ordeal began.
At this point, my hair is 23 inches longer than it was at that time, and I rather like having my hair this length. If I cut it all off tomorrow, I'd probably start growing it back to this length within the next month or two. The only thing that keeps me having any desire, or hope, for having her shave it off is my two fold desire to 1) once again have an intimate physical relationship with my wife, and 2) for her to finally have no more excuses as to why she hasn't quit smoking again.

Over the past several months, the second has become the more immediate reason. Ever since I told her (back in September) that I think she is smoking too much, and needs to think about quitting again, it seems that she has started smoking more and more. I know she is easily up to a pack a day, if not more than that. I worry so much about the effects on her health, that it often invades my dreams and makes me sad.

If giving up my long hair is what it takes to get her to cut back, and eventually quit again, well then it's a small price to pay for her long term well being. And if it could possibly have any chance of helping spark a romantic relationship between up once again, I'd do it tomorrow.

My Bubbie Bee, Karen, is the Love of my Life; and if I'm going to do my best to be around for a good more number of years to come, I definitely want to do anything possible to ensure that she is right there by my side all the while. Neither of these conflicted preoccupations about hair or smoking should come before that. So what ever it takes, is what it takes.

Bald in 2017?

http://digzmania.livejournal.com/tag/barberette

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Too Many Movies?

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 75 films, you have no life.


I've seen 163+ of these. Mark the ones you've seen.
There are 253 films on this list. Copy this list, then put an emoji next to the films you've seen, add them up, post your results. Have fun!!


1. Rocky Horror Picture show 😊
2. Grease 😊
3. Pirates of the Caribbean 😊
4. Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest😊
5. Boondock Saints
6. Fight Club
7. Starsky and Hutch 😊
8. Neverending Story 😊
9. Blazing Saddles 😊
10. Airplanes the Movie 😊
11. The Princess Bride 😊
12. Anchorman 😊
13. Napoleon Dynamite 😊
14. Labyrinth 😊
15. Saw 😊
16. Saw II 😊
17. White Noise
18. White Oleander 😊
19. Anger Management 😊
20. 50 First Dates 😊 Read more...Collapse )

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  • Sat, 01:33: The sad part about getting old... is that you stay young on the inside, but from the outside no one can tell anymore.

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Quick Questionaire

1. What was the last thing you put in your mouth? Candy Cane
2. Where was your facebook profile picture taken? Universal Studios, FL
3. Do you play Pokemon Go? No, but I have it on my phone for my kids to play.
4. Name someone who made you laugh today? Meghan Rolin
5. How late did you stay up last night and why? 3:15 AM. I've been having trouble sleeping at night, and had taken a 3 hour nap earlier in the evening.
6. If you could move somewhere else where would it be? I wouldn't mind a place a little further out in the woods, but I prefer living in the Greater St. Louis Area (St. Charles County). If I had to move out of state, I think I'd choose somewhere in the Smoky Mountains (Tenn. or North Carolina)
7. Ever been kissed under the fireworks? Yes
8. Which of your closest friends lives closest to you? Jason B.
9. Do you believe ex's can be friends.? Yes. Distant friends.
10. How do you feel about Dr. Pepper? Love it.
11. When was the last time you cried? Last Sunday.
12. Who took your Facebook profile picture? Me. It's a selfie.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture/video of? My daughter. She was one of four students to read their essay at DARE graduation.
14. Was yesterday better than today? definitley not.
15. Can you live a day without TV? Sure
16. Are you upset about anything? Not at the moment.
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? Yes. If it is truly a relationship, and not just a one way love affair.
18. If you could have any job/career, which would you choose? I would like to have been a carpenter/cabinet maker.
19. Are you a bad influence? Probably more that I realize.

Red Hot Mama

Just finished coloring Karen's hair, and now we're just waiting for it to process before she can get in the shower to rinse the color out. When she is done, I'll pop into the shower to wash my hair and start getting ready for our date to go see Trans Siberian Orchestra, at the Scottrade center.

Karen had two color options to choose from. L'Oreal Preference 4M - Mahogany Brown, and L'Oreal Preference RR04 - Intense dark red. When I told her that we had time to color her hair this afternoon before we leave, and if she wanted me to do it to go ahead and put on a sport bra, I decided that I wasn't going to be pushy and tell her what color I wanted to use on her hair. Both colors were in the bathroom, and she chose. I would not have said a word negatively in either case, but I have to admit that i was pleasantly surprised when she handed me the box of Intense dark red.

Of all of the red hair colors that I have ever used on Karen's hair, RR04 has been my favorite ever since she first let me try it on her hair at the end of Summer, in August of 2011.

I do a good job at coloring hair, as long as it's a one step process. I wish I had enough knowledge and expertise to be able to give Karen highlights. I'd love to follow up with some golden and copper highlights in her hair, to give it more depth and dimension beyond just being red.

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  • Sat, 22:52: #SNL Still waiting for you to do something, anything, funny. Choking, as usual. So sad.

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  • Tue, 02:29: Since I haven't been able to get to sleep on my own, & it's too late for sleep pills, it's time to pull out the big guns. Time to pray.

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Aunt Flo? What are you doing here?

Aunt Flo arrived, quite unexpectedly, early this morning.

Dini's pre-teen hormones must have her travel schedule thrown out of whack, because she was not due to come visit Karen again for at least another 9 to 11 days.

Either that, or she just wanted to show up and ruin any romantic ideas we might have had for this weekend. Guess she was afraid that we might do something to ruin her 2:1 ratio of Aunt Flo visits to every one conjugal visit.

At least this explains why Karen was being so weird and snippy last night, when I took her shopping for Black Friday deals after I got off work. I couldn't figure her out last night.

A Friday night... a Date night... (By the way, she looked so good last night. Cute outfit, makeup, beautiful long red hair.... I mean, she looked GOOD. Had me so excited, feeling good, and turned on. Spent all night wanting to make out with her so bad.) We were out shopping and hitting some really great sales and deals... We both had a wonderful dinner (with dessert)...
But she kept getting really weird, and sometimes just downright mean. I couldn't understand what I was doing wrong. We should have been having a lot of fun, and by the time we got home I was downright exhausted and miserable.

Now, I know, it was all thanks to Aunt Flo.

I wish that Karen and Dini could get their cycles more aligned. You might say that I wouldn't want both females in the house ragging (raging) out at the same time; but the fact is that with them being on misaligned schedules, Karen's hormones are being thrown into a state of chaos. She is constantly moody and distant. She seems to swing between constant states of either being irritated or depressed. The hormone fluctuations are strong enough that they are overriding her happy pills, and I end up being the punching bag, hanging from a rope at the end of all that "mood swing" frustration that builds up inside of her.

I don't know how to compete with that. I'm trying to find ways to build and strengthen our relationship, and it seems like I'm constantly sabotaged by forces way beyond my control or ability to counteract. I can't win for trying. the closer I try to get to the love of my life, the further I feel like I'm being pushed away; and I don't understand why. What am I doing wrong?

I just want to give up. For right now, all I can do is sit down here in my stinky man cave and hide. I'd much rather be upstairs, sitting next to her, snuggled together in a blanket and enjoying each other's company. Or, at least some variant of that wishful thinking.

Christmas Wishlist 2016

OK. So, Christmas is only one month away at this point, and people are starting to ask me what I want.

Isn't it weird how when we are children, we have these long lists of THINGS (physical possessions) that we WANT; and by the time we are adults we have lists of things (many intangible) we need, but have trouble asking for material things. I guess that at my age, I either purchase the things I want, or decide that they are too expensive to really need. So, when people ask me "what do you want for Christmas," I feel uncomfortable asking for something I haven't already bought for myself, because at some point in time I've decided it is too expensive, or frivolous, to spend the money on for myself.

Things I would love to have:


  • A leaf blower/mulching vacuum. Electric or gas is fine, although electric would be easier for me to maintain.

  • GoPro LCD Touch BacPac for HERO3+.
    Karen bought me a really awesome GoPro HERO3+, but I really would like to have more of a chance to use it for something other than a desktop camera. I'm not the type of guy that is on an outdoor adventure that lends itself to attaching a camera to a helmet and filming myself biking up and down the fast paced trail on a mountain bike, or skiing down a mountain slope, or hang gliding, or skydiving. I might video myself hiking on a trail, or exploring the great outdoors with the scouts, but I also want to be able to see what I'm filming. To be honest, I'll use it more like a super durable camcorder than a strap and go device.
    Even though I could technically use my LG G3 phone to function as a viewfinder, that would mean holding two devices, and using up phone battery power. So, the better solution is to add the view screen to the GoPro.

  • Fitbit Charge 2 HR+ Fitness I am in a most desperate need to get myself into better physical health. A significant part of that is an immediate need to lose weight, and monitor my heart health and blood pressure. A fitbit would be a very useful tool towards that end. I've tried using my phone's LG Health app to monitor my daily steps, but I often find that I have left it plugged in on my desk, or that it is very inaccurate in recording the true number of steps I make in a day.

  • LEGO Games for the XBOX ONE: I love playing LEGO video games on our Wii and XBOX ONE. I have several that I play from time to time, and it is a very enjoyable way to just unwind and have fun, while exploring the story that each game unfolds. There are several to choose from that I do not yet have.
    • LEGO Marvel Super Heroes
    • The LEGO Movie
    • LEGO Marvel Avengers
    • LEGO Batman


  • Some other things I would like to receive for Christmas:


  • A Bed to sleep in at night. Most nights, I sleep in my comfy chair downstairs; but the truth is, that it's not all that comfy, and I'd much rather be in bed next to my Bubbie Bee. I just don't feel that I'm wanted, or belong, there. I've tried to sleep in the bed a few times over the past couple of months, but then I'm told about how much I snored all night or that I woke her coming to bed. (I often fall asleep watching TV, and don't wake up to know to go to bed until around 1 or 2 AM) There used to be a time when Karen would come wake me to take me to bed with her. I miss those days.

  • Anything BEAVER themed. When I first went to Wood Badge, and learned that I would be a member of the Troop 1 Beaver Patrol as my Wood Badge Critter, I was told by many scouters how that once people found out what my critter was, I would forever be receiving gifts from friends and relatives with things containing that critter. Necklaces, shirts, stuffed animals, figurines and statues, hats, etc... I was excited, although the anticipation of this situation made me at times wish I had been a Bear. I do collect bears.

    To date, with the exception of a few things that Karen has purchased for me at the scout shop, no one buys me anything with a beaver on it. It has been a little disappointing. Not at all like what I have seen other scouters experiences to be.

    This past year, I finally completed all of my tickets, and earned my neckerchief and second bead. It would be neat to receive some Beaver regalia to celebrate that achievement. I guess the difference is that most of my scouter friends who have completed Wood Badge, also come from families that have scout traditions over several generations in their family. They understand and appreciate what the critter means to the Scouter. Jack is our family's first Boy Scout (I was only a cub scout for a little more than a year), and I'm the first scouter (scout leader). So, my expectations were not realistically founded. Still, it would be nice to receive random gifts and tokens to celebrate my graduation as a Beaumont Benevolent Beaver of Wood Badge Course C3-312-14-2.
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    • Sun, 20:51: Hey #charter I'm trying to watch the #AMAs but the #ABC signal in the St Louis area is coming across your cable all choppy and garbled. 😡

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    • Sun, 00:44: "Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other." - John Adams
    • Sun, 21:23: Someone please kill Rick, then off Neegan already. This story line is boring the s××+ out of me this season. Losing interest fast. 😴😴😴 #TWD

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    • Fri, 10:20: @SenatorReid You, sir, are at the root, and a foundation block, of this nation's current problems. Just keep slinging mud. It's what you do.
    • Fri, 10:28: What a GORGEOUS Fall day! We need a lot more like this one. Sunny and mild.
    • Fri, 10:31: Happy Veteran's Day. Thank you to all who have put on the uniform, and sworn to defend the Constitution. Thank you for your service.

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    • Wed, 03:45: I'm SO tired, but my brain won't go to sleep. 7 AM is going to get here way too soon. Going to be a working zombie tomorrow. 😴😴😴😴

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    Trump wins. I hope we all do too.

    Well. Today's roller coaster ride is finally over. I know that I will sleep better this evening. If for no other reason than the fact that I know I can once again watch TV, or listen to the radio, without hearing attack ad after attack ad.
    I pray that this nation can begin a process of healing. The past year has been gruesome and vicious for all of us. Yes. ALL of us.

    I've never been a big Trump fan. I have never been a Clinton supporter. I am happy that she did not win. I am hopeful that his victory will not be a disaster. Right now, that's all I can do. Pray, and hope. I hope that he keeps his promise to be a president for ALL Americans. I pray that we all can be a force to make him keep that promise.

    While I am personally glad that Hillary did not win today, I hope that her presidential campaign inspires future young women to aspire to the highest goals they can dream of. I hope that I live to see a woman POTUS in my lifetime. Who knows, that could possibly one day be my daughter's job. (President Delaney J. ________ )

    Now, maybe we can all get back to being civil to one another. I'd sure like to give it a try. I guess that's all up to each of us. I vote, yes.

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    • Wed, 01:04: @HillaryClinton Do the right thing. Help this nation begin to heal. Concede the race, and congratulate Donald @realDonaldTrump
    • Wed, 01:14: @johnpodesta Do the right thing. Let Hillary begin the healing process for this nation. Concede the race and congratulate Trump on a win.
    • Wed, 02:32: I hope that I will see a woman POTUS in my life. I know my daughter will. (Might even be her) But I thank God that the 1st wasn't Hillary.

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    Aunt Flo showed up to vote

    It's difficult not to have a deep seated animosity towards a "woman" who makes house calls to your lover's va-jay-jay more frequently than you do. Especially when she gets to stay for 6 - 7 days at a time, and I'm lucky if I get a 10 to 20 minutes per visit.

    Let's just examine the past several months:

    JUN 27 - Aunt Flo week
    JUL 09 - Me
    JUL 22 - Aunt Flo week
    AUG 15 - Aunt Flo week
    SEP 11 - Me
    SEP 12 - Aunt Flo week
    SEP 25 - Me
    OCT 10 - Aunt Flo week
    NOV 08 - Aunt Flo week

    I miss your Blonde, Angel Hair

    I was looking at some photos that popped up on my "On This Day" app for Facebook, and was captivated by the images of you in your dark blonde hair. I loved all of the different manifestations of blonde that you had from mid/late 2015 through June of this year, including the near platinum blonde.

    While looking at all of the various shades from over the months, I think I still really like this one a lot. If I could ever talk you into going back to a blonde, I think I would ask you to try a darker blonde, like your hair in these photos. It looks so soft and warm around your beautiful face. And the side swept bangs look so cute and pretty.

    It is a very beautiful color and look on you.
    DnK_NOV2015


    1107151945a 1107151948a

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    • Tue, 05:41: I'd give anything for a big comfy bed & lots of blankies. My body hates me, it aches & my head has been pounding all night. I don't know why

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    What are you waiting for?

    Its just a few days shy of two months since I told Katen that I think it is time for her to quit smoking again, and that she can cut my hair whenever she is ready.

    For the past six months or so, she has randomly made comments that she is tired of smoking, and wants to be able to quit again. On more than one occasion, she has specifically said the wotds,"you need to hurry up and let me cut all your hair off, so I can quit smoking."

    So, the thing that baffles me most, is that ever since the night that she asked me about the note I left on her pack of cigarettes, letting her know I am ready for her to quit; it seems as if she is smoking even more ever since that night. I dont get it.

    Im starting to think that she doesnt really want to quit. She likes it too much, and I was a convenient excuse to justify why she is still smoking.

    Yes, I still think it is sexy to watch her smoke. Its a huge turn on for me. But I am concerned about her health, and I worry about how much she is smoking. It seems she is out of control, and smoking way too much.

    So, Im ready to help her quit. She just needs to pick a date, and we can go play out my barberette fantasy. She can shave my head. And then she can start trying to quit this habit once again.

    Bubbie Bee, You need to quit smoking. Whenever you are ready to do that, I'll let you give me a haircut.

    Ameristar Casino Hotel: December's Online Advance Reserve, Room Availability:

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    • Thu, 08:55: Hate it when Im having a really AWESOME dream, & have to wake up right in the middle of the best part. Wanna go back to sleep & finish it. 😴

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    Hello Aunt Flo

    Guess who showed up and ruined my night? Yep, Aunt Flo.

    I've been trying to find time to make love to Karen for much of the past week, and keep hitting road block after road block. (I know, what's new about that. Absolutely nothing. Status quo in this "relationship.") Finally thought I had seen hope for an opportunity to spend some quality intimate time with Karen this evening, and come home only to learn that Aunt Flo beat me to the punch. So sad. Seems that is my fate in life. Always so alone, and sad.

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    • Wed, 02:36: Wish I could take a hot shower. Just slathered 1/4 of my body with Benadryl Anti itch cream. Praying that I can finally get some sleep.
    • Wed, 04:26: Some nights just suck. Finally stopped itching (for now) maybe I can squeeze in 2 hours of a nap before it's time t… https://t.co/e2J24sdTxg

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