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[sticky post] YOU ARE VIEWING DIGZMANIA

PLEASE NOTE: Beginning with entries created after JAN 1, 2011, the majority of this journal is now "FRIENDS ONLY" and can only be viewed by mutually friended Live Journal users logged in to their own LiveJournal account.



My daily TWEETS from TWITTER, Writer's Block entries, and a few general updates will still remain public.

If you would like to READ MY FRIENDS ONLY POSTS, all you have to do is create a LiveJournal account, add me as a friend to your account, and then submit a Friend Request in writing via the email address below.

Email me at: ursasolus@hotmail.com Please take a moment to introduce yourself, and briefly explain why you would like to have access to my friend's only entries. Don't forget to include the username that I will need to look for in my "also friend of" list..

I'm not terribly secretive about my writing, I just like to know who is reading my Journal Entries, and the musings of my mind.



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  • Sat, 15:39: Scouts of Troop 506, at Hidden Valley Ski Resort. @ Hidden Valley Ski Resort https://t.co/2Pcf7dnRUo
  • Sat, 18:22: I want to steal a donut truck, and go on a high speed chase; because it would be funny watching cops chase a donut… https://t.co/1XCKDFhi0O
  • Sun, 11:24: Thank you Lord! Was able to fix my wife's car; and it only took $170 for a new battery, and 30 minutes to swap it out. 😎🙏

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  • Sat, 03:32: Being an animal lover is not easy. Especially when your crazy, fat, cat paws at the door to wake you, and your snor… https://t.co/Imdt5Z98sy
  • Sat, 09:47: Who am I? I'm just a love struck husband, and adoring father of two, living the wondrously fun madness at the Mullen House zoo.

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  • Sat, 18:36: I wish there were a way that I could capture, and share, the beauty of nature I am seeing right now. A quarry lake,… https://t.co/3RZthuNpJO



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  • Fri, 21:35: Time to layer up and get some sleep. December campout, with Troop 506, at Klondike Park. https://t.co/PWSUhfDLOR
  • Sat, 06:05: A pack of coyotes apparently believe that it is time to get up for the day. Until just a few moments ago, they had… https://t.co/X8CLdRQeaz







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My tweets - Words of Inspiration

  • Mon, 08:55: "Look back in Forgiveness, forward in Hope, down in Compassion, and up with Gratitude." ~ Zig Ziglar

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  • Sat, 23:22: Roxie was scratching all night long, so this morning I was checking for got spots or signs of skin irritation.

    The culprit turned out to be fleas. First time we've had fleas on the 12 years Ive lived in this home.

    I had to shave her down, before giving her a head to toe flea bath. We got them all, and looks like we caught it early.

    Checked the other two dogs, and couldn't find evidence of any fleas, but we treated all three just in case; followed by cleaning their crates, beds, and all areas around where they lounge around. https://t.co/26JT2hzKUh


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The Holiday Season is Upon Us (Wish Lists)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means that the Holiday season is officially here.

I've been trying to get myself psyched up and in the holiday spirit. Quite a few of my favorite animated specials will be on in just a couple of days, and Christmas music will be playing on the radio (actually, I think it started earlier this afternoon on both 102.5 and 103.3 FM).

I'm going to try my best not to eat too much tomorrow, although I know that's a losing bet going into the day. I've set my alarm to get up to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade with Karen, and I'm sure there will be a few things she will want me to do around the house before our first feast of the day.

I'm really hoping that when we get to my Mom's house tomorrow evening, we all decide to skip the usual draw names out of the hat to buy each other Christmas gifts this year. Not that I don't want presents, but I can't remember the last time I really got something I really wanted or needed, and the hassle of having to go shopping without really knowing what the other person would want is just downright stressful.


Speaking of presents and wish-lists, I've already told Karen what I most want for Christmas this year (Ameristar); although I don't think she actually took me serious. The things I most want, are not things you can buy at a store. What I want most is things that will draw us closer to one another, or that will draw me closer to her. I want more intimacy and affection in our marriage. I want personal bonding, and closeness between us.

But, since I also know that people will start asking the classic question, "WHAT do you want for Christmas, I'll go ahead and leave a list of things I would really enjoy and appreciate. Not that it has ever done any good in the past; but I've been dropping verbal hints, re-arranging the items in our Amazon Wish List, and who knows....

CHRISTMAS WISH LIST:

  • LEGO Dimensions Starter Pack for XBOX ONE


  • GoPro LCD Touch BacPac for my HERO3+

    Two years ago, Karen bought me a really cool GoPro for Christmas, adn I've really wanted to be able to get more use out of it than just have it sit on my desk to take selfies and use as a webcam. Even though I'm a scout leader, I'm not the kind of person who will strap a GoPro to my head or chest harness and film myself going down a Mountain Bike Trail or a Ski Slope, etc...

    I want/need to be able to use my GoPro more like a traditional video camera, which means that I need to be able to see what I'm filming. So, for the 2nd Christmas (and two past birthdays) in a row, I'm going to ask for the LCD screen attachment that will let me get a WHOLE LOT MORE use out of the awesome gift she has already gotten for me.

    https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J9RO4CU/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I1FHXZOTUZ6HQA&colid=1F2P8LD03QNH3&psc=1


  • Leaf Blower/Vacuum (With Mulching capability) - Electric

    With fall finally arriving, and the leaves off of the trees and in the yard, I once again find myself wishing that I had a leaf blower and vacuum. This is an item that I've had on my birthday and father's day wish list for several years, but apparently no one seems to think would make a nice gift for me.

    Trust me, I WOULD LOVE it if someone would get this for me.

    This isn't just something that would get use in the Fall. A nice 200 to 250 MPH leaf blower could be used to clean the gutters (they have attachments for that), clean up after mowing the lawn, blow leaves and mulch them up, blow snow off of the driveway while it is still loose and hasn't compacted yet. It would be used to clean snow off of the cars, without using a brush that could scratch the paint. I could use it to blow debris away from the back patio sliding glass doors, keeping the basement cleaner. I could use it to help keep the front porch cleaner.

    I've narrowed my preferences down to a couple of models that are even available on Amazon. A Toro 51621 UltraPlus, the Black & Decker BV5600 High Performance, or the Black & Decker BV6600 High Performance.

    The Toro and the B&D BV6600 are both variable speed, which I would really like. of the two I am leaning more towards the Toro, and it gets really good reviews.

    Those are my two main Wish List items for this Christmas. At least items that are at least realistic, and things I would really like to have.


    Other items for consideration:
  • Nikon COOLPIX P900 Digital Camera with 83x Optical Zoom and built in Wi-Fi (Black)

  • Chromebook: A size 13 or 14" screen, with Chrome OS, and at least 16GB to 32GB SSD hard drive, and either 4GB or 8GB of RAM. (This needs researched further, and I've been looking at the ones at SAMS, COSTCO, and Walmsrt = All around $200 to $250)

  • LEGO video games for XBOX ONE (LEGO Movie, Marvel's Avengers, Marvel Super Heroes 2)

  • ANYTHING Beaver related


  • Things you can't BUY, but would be PRICELESS to me:
  • A new set of hand written Index Cards for Story Time/Sexy Time/Smoke Break/etc... from Bubbie.

  • Wear makeup on "Date Nights" (Even if it's just dinner and shopping) and social occasions.

  • To have Bubbie actually READ my journal with me (entries from the past two years, at least)

  • Sexy time at least once per week. (Except for when Aunt Flo is in town)

  • To have Bubbie plan a Date Night, or trip, and take me out.

  • Answer my letters and emails, and stop ignoring me as if I'll just go away.

  • Reinstate Christmas/Anniversary/Birthday Blow Jobs (or let me do you).

  • Shave "Sissy"

  • Shave me BALD!
  • Bright Side FB Post

    I've gotten a lot of awesome comments to a response I made to a recent Bright Side post.
    The ladies are going gaga over my long hair. LOL

    Loving the attention.


    My wife found a hair tie and left me a note.

    Posted by Bright Side on Monday, November 6, 2017










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    My tweets - Most Frequent Words on Facebook

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    • Thu, 10:47: @carrieunderwood Thank you for that beautiful rendition of 'Softly and Tenderly Jesus is Calling' at last night's #CMAs Simply amazing! ❤

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    Any woman can spend a man's money, ride in his car, order off the menu.

    But, only a real woman can help a man achieve his goals in life, support him when he's broke, push him to be successful, shower him with positive energy, compliment him on a regular basis and never kick him while he's down.

    If you find a woman like that, make her your real partner for LIFE.

    My tweets

    • Thu, 13:52: "Every person has two names: the one that is given to them at birth, and the one that they make for themself." ~ Author Unknown

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    Bubbie's got my back

    She can always tell when something's got me down, even when I'm tryig my best not to show it.

    I really appreciate her sticking up for me, and I love yhat she's trying to look out for me when I'm feeling down or my feelings are hurt.

    I'm just not sure it counts as being included as a friend, when someone has to be reminded to include me.



    I may not be thought of, or always remembered, (the way I would want to be) by the people I have chosen to call my friends....

    I was really sad earlier this evening, when I wasn't tagged as part of the group. Still disappointed that I was left out until Karen asked Sherrill to add me.

    But one thing is for certain. My Bubbie loves me, and always has my back. In the end, that's what matters most; cause she's my closest friend.
    by Julie A. Fast

    If you are able to identify your depression symptoms before you get sick, you can manage this illness far more successfully.

    Today, I’m continuing my list of the 20 Unexpected Signs of a Bipolar Disorder Downswing.

    Here we go!

    10 More Signs Of Bipolar Depression


    1. No joy gets through to the brain. You see something you know should bring you joy, such as seeing your own child or an animal or a funny movie, but there is a wall between you and the joy.

    2. You stop your hobbies. They seem pointless and a waste of time. They don’t bring pleasure.

    3. You are suspicious and see the behavior of others in a negative way. If someone says something nice, they probably want something from you! (This can also be a sign of psychosis. If you actually feel people are looking at you, filming you or following you to do you harm, it’s more paranoia than typical depression suspicion.)

    4. You worry. A lot. Things are not going to work out. You can just feel it. Unfortunately, you can be very vocal about these worries such as saying, “We will never find a parking place.” or “There is no point in going. There will be a really long line and the food isn’t good anyway.” The people around you really, really dislike this symptom.

    5. Deep inside, you feel completely overwhelmed and worn out by life. Life feels hard. Life feels difficult. You read the news and it just confirms what you feel inside. The world is going to hell and there is nothing we can do about it.

    6. You can pick apart anything nice and lovely and turn it into something dirty and worthless. You practically do this with a child’s painting. Finding something nice to say seems pointless. You say, “This is just my opinion. Do I have to be Mr. Happy all of the time!”

    7. You are mean. Pure and simple. You see it as… telling the truth, setting the record straight, giving her what she deserved, simply stating my opinion. People are upset by what you say and you simply can’t understand why.

    8. You can’t stick with anything due to everything feeling uncomfortable and or pissing you off. “This restaurant is too loud and I’ve had it with this cheeky waiter. We are leaving!” And off you go.

    9. You can be physically aggressive. Kicking things, slamming doors, punching walls, pushing against someone a bit too hard. (As you read in Part One of the list, if there is a lot of energy around these symptoms, there is a chance it’s dysphoric mania and not just angry depression.)

    10. It’s very, very hard for you to see that you’re ill. This behavior is not how you act when stable. This is a mood swing and the others around you can tell something is wrong, but because part of the mood swings is a lack of self awareness, you feel normal and can’t see that you’re sick. This leads to a lot of arguing with people who keep asking you what’s wrong.


    That finishes the list. I will now let you in on a secret. I made this list about myself during a particularly nasty downswing. I had ALL of these symptoms in one morning. ALL of them. I already know that these are my signs of an angry depression episode. I wasn’t manic as I didn’t have the mania symptoms that go with dysphoric mania. This was simply an angry and irritated depression episode.

    I have bipolar disorder and even though I use the plan that I write about in all of my books, I still have mood swings. It’s an illness. By knowing the signs of an episode, I’m able to catch it in the middle and do something about it.

    If we know what our symptoms look like before we get sick, we can manage this illness far more successfully.

    If you recognize yourself or a loved one in these symptoms, write them down. Memorize them. When they show up again, you will then be able to stop yourself from acting on the symptoms.

    I was rude to someone during this episode and I felt terrible. I knew I was sick and I knew I needed to be careful, but this illness is strong! I apologized and then moved into management mode and the episode was gone by the evening.

    I believe that symptom awareness and management is the secret to stability.

    Julie
    by Julie A. Fast

    I’ve found that there are two kinds of bipolar depression. Here are the signs of an angry and irritated downswing.

    It’s easy to spot what we consider traditional depression symptoms: crying, lack of movement, sadness, silence, brain fog, slumped body, lack of desire, fear, hopelessness, helplessness and an overall worry that life is not worth living.

    I’m here today to talk about the OTHER depression that is often mistaken for a personality flaw or seen as someone simply being in a bad mood.

    I call the first kind of depression WEEPY DEPRESSION and I call this depression ANGRY and IRRITATED DEPRESSION. People with bipolar tend to experience both, but rarely get help for the second type as helping someone in this kind of a depression is like talking with a really angry snake.

    Ten Signs Of Bipolar Depression


    1. Pissed off at everyone and everything. Kittens and puppies make you mad.

    2. Thinking is out of control. You think about thinking about thinking. Then think about thinking about the fact that your thinking about thinking about thinking. ARRRGGGGGG!

    3. You second guess everything you do. Turn right and your brain says, “You should have turned left moron!” Unfortunately, you do this with the people in your life as well. Nothing anyone does ever feels right.

    4. What is the point of doing anything since everything is so #$#@ed up! There is a LOT of cussing in this downswing. This can’t be ignored or softened just because people don’t like vulgar words. When you’re in this mood swing, your language WILL change.

    5. You feel you will never reach your goals and will be stuck in this current ‘hell’ forever.

    6. The body hurts. Headaches, backaches, eye strain, painful hair (yes, your hair can hurt when you’re really depressed). You can’t get comfortable and change locations a lot looking for a better resting place that never arrives as the pain is internal.

    7. YOU JUDGE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Especially yourself, but outwardly, you will tell people what you think and can be very, very unkind to people you love.

    8. Your face looks displeased. Your judgmental feelings come out in pursed lips, signs, rolled eyes and other physical signs that you are not pleased with something.

    9. Your world view is negative. You will find the garbage in the gutter when there is a rainbow in the sky.

    10. You can’t see the positive. It’s not that you don’t want to see the positive, you simply CAN’T see it because this kind of depression makes you focus on everything that is going wrong.


    Wow, that is only ten of the symptoms of angry and irritated depression. I can tell you from a lot of personal experience that this episode is a relationship wrecker. You are miserable inside and miserable to be around. I will list the final ten symptoms in my next blog and also offer some tips for managing this type of depression.

    Please note that these are also the signs of a dysphoric manic episode, also called mixed mania, but only if typical mania symptoms are also present. Mixed mania is a combination of mania, anxiety and depression.

    It’s all about the energy behind the symptoms. It’s possible to have all of the above symptoms and still sleep normally, talk regularly, watch your spending, keep a regular libido and stay at a consistent and often low energy.

    If the above symptoms are actually dysphoric mania, you WILL have one or more of these symptoms: noticeable sleep changes, an increased libido, the desire to spend, rapid speech, goal driven activities that you actually do and an overall sense that your organs are trying to jump out of your body due to profound restlessness.

    Isn’t bipolar disorder fun!

    The only way to manage this illness in my opinion is through symptom recognition and management.
    All of the above symptoms are from my own life…. on the SAME DAY.

    My tweets - Fortune Cookie

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    • Thu, 16:17: Love always finds a way to bridge the holes & trenches in life. Even the times when you're the one that dug the hole in the first place. ❤💋❤https://t.co/jTAOszSF8x




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    Aunt Flo - All Tricks, No Treats

    I had warned Karen that Aunt Flo would be flying in on her broomstick by today. Just in time for the weekend, and here long enough to help us all celebrate Halloween. What a "witch."
    Bubbie,

    So, yesterday evening, I took your advice and sent a message to Brandy asking her about whether or not she had received my Facebook friend request, and if there was a reason that she had not responded. I figured that maybe you were right. That she just hadn’t seen it, or had seen it and forgotten about it.

    (Hopefully you can see the below chat bubbles. If not, let me know and I’ll forward them to you)

      THU 4:26 PM

      ME:
      I've noticed that you have not accepted any of my friend requests I have sent you in FB.

      I apologize if it is wrong of me to be so forward in asking, but have I offended you in some way?

      If so, I honestly want to know, so that I can apologize, acknowledge any way that I may have done wrong by you, and be able to take steps to make things right between us and repair our friendship.

      Hope all is well.
      Love you.
      Dwight.


      BRANDY
      I've actually only seen one request and truthfully it came through when we were in New York City and I haven't really given it much thought since then. When I unfriended you and blocked you you knew exactly why. And if you don't remember why I guess we could have a conversation about that again. Then I did unblock you So not you can see things that I'm tagged in and stuff like, but as far as our friendship I think it's completely fine.

      I hope things are well with you as well and I love you too.


      ME:
      I was worried that I had offended you again, in some way that I was not aware of since then.

      BRANDY:
      Nope. Not at all.


    I didn’t really think about it much after that point, as I was trying to wrap up things at work and make sure I could get home to get the kids and order the pizza. It wasn’t until I was at my Mom’s house that I really took a good look at what she had said.

  • She saw my request, but it was while you guys were busy having fun in New York.
  • She had not thought about it since, so it was an issue where it was out of sight and out of mind.
  • She said that things were fine between us.

    I took all of these as positive things, so I decided to send her a new friend request as our conversation would be fresh in her mind.

    When I hit the “send friend request” Facebook spun for a minute or two, and popped up a message saying that the “action could not be completed” at this time, please try again.



    So, I waited a few minutes, and then hit “send friend request” again. Several times, and each time I got the same error message from Facebook. So I decided to wait a while before trying again.

    I’ve seen network issues like this before; but usually when trying to hit like on a status post or something like that. I figured I needed to give the network time to clear up. I closed out facebook entirely and set my phone down while I boxed up the left over pizza.

    As we were walking out the door, I saw that there were notifications from facebook. They turned out to be about half a dozen new likes on the photo you posted of us. So I clicked over to Brandy’s profile and hit the send friend request button again. This time it was successful. The little icon under her profile pic and background photo said that the request was sent.

    I was happy and excited. Brandy would get a new notification that I had sent her a friend request, and since our quick chat seemed good and she had said that our friendship was fine, I figured that she would accept it.

    When I logged into Facebook on my PC later in the evening, and started going through notifications, I didn’t see one from her accepting the friend request; but I realize that not everyone is a social media freak like me and didn’t really think anything of it. Although, there was a little voice in the back of my head that wondered if the request had truly sent from my phone because of the messages I had received about it not going through the first two or three times.

    When I clicked over to her page, the icon for “Friend request Sent” was missing, and there was no option to send a friend request. Her page looked different from other friend pages that I visit on a regular basis. The option to click follow, or to see first was also gone.

    I checked into what could cause this to happen, and learned that if a person receiving a friend request clicks “Delete Friend request” (thus declining it) that Facebook pops up an option to mark that person’s request as spam. Doing so prevents that person from ever being able to send you another friend request, and removes their option to follow you or prioritize when to see your posts on Facebook.

    So, Brandy hasn’t blocked me from seeing her presence on Facebook, but she has marked me as SPAM; which in fact blocks me from being able to be her friend on Facebook, from seeing when she posts on Facebook. Unless a family member is tagged in her posts, I don't see anything on her wall at all.

    I have no idea as to why she has done this. I don’t understand it at all. And it really has me feeling quite sad.

    I’ve always thought of Brandy not only as a friend, but as family. More so than even my sister in laws (Crystal and April), I’ve thought of her as if she were blood family. My sister.

    But, apparently, the feeling there is not mutual.


    From the moment Karen and I started dating I had always thought of Brandy as family and a close friend. Someone that I have trusted with anything and everything in our lives together. She was the only person in your group of friends that I always felt I could tell anything to, and go to as a trusted friend if ever I was in need. She always made a pint to listen, and to show that she cared. She always asked how we were doing, and then followed up with asking how I was doing. No one ever showed concern for me the way that Brandy had.

    This is a prerson that I have always thought I could want to raise my children should anything ever happen to us. I’ve trusted and confided in her like no one other than you.

    She has always been the person that people turn to when they need a person to listen. And she calls things the way that she sees them. Being completely honest even if it wasn’t exactly what that person wanted to hear.
    So, when I messed up and hurt her feelings back in May, I fully expected her to call me out on my bull shit, and tell me to get my act together. I expected the Brandy firm hand, and to be lectured or reeled back into reality. That is always what I have seen her do with the people she cares about, and knows who care about her.

    But, she didn’t do that. Instead of treating me like she treats everyone else and calling me out and making me be accountable for my miss deeds, she shut me out. She blocked me on social media, and didn’t talk to me. Even after I apologized, she didn’t act the way that I had always seen Brandy act in these kinds of situations. Why not?

    I expected more from her than that. My respect for her as the great mediator and no-nonsense no bull shit friend expected more than that from her.

    I was actually more stunned, and personally hurt, by the fact that she didn’t call me out on my shit and make me talk it out with her, than I was about the fact that she unfriended me on Facebook. But then again, family doesn’t unfriend family on social media, at least not for more than a day or two to get the point across. So, did that mean that I wasn’t family? Does that mean that I have always held her friendship in higher regard than she did mine?

    I don’t know the answer to that. But her latest reaction to me sending her a friend request doesn’t help much in helping me believe otherwise.

    I still love Brandy as if she were my own blood sister. I care about what she thinks, and how she feels.

    But, apparently I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t understand what to do to make things right, or how to get back to the level of friendship that I had always believed we had between us. Maybe I was wrong? I don’t know.

    But, the way it is apparently between us right now makes me so very sad.
    I guess I always believed our friendship was much more than what it was/is.
    I guess we aren't friends any more.

    I’m sorry. Looks like I’ve screwed up again.

    Ursasolus Tweets

    • Thu, 02:38: SCORE! Finally got my sleep mask. Hopefully I can fall asleep (and stay asleep) and get some rest between now and 7:45 AM. So tired. 😴😴😴

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    • Thu, 08:37: I know I toss & turn in my sleep, but I must have been trying out for the Olympic Gymnastics team last night. My back is killing me today! 😫

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    My Wife is WONDERFUL & AMAZING!

    She fills my world with joy!

    Tonight was hands down, my favorite night of this entire month.

    I'll admit that the day started off a bit rough. I was tired, the work day was long and tedious, and until just a short while ago there was really nothing extraordinary about the day at all; other than the fact that is is Wednesday. Hump day.

    Karen and I were sitting in the living room together, enjoying each other's company, watching some Family Fued, and eating dinner together. Dinner was absolutley delicious, and we were both enjoying a couple of large sodas that I stopped to get on the way home.

    Karen had been pinging me since about 3:30 PM that she was out of ice; which meant she had nothing cold to drink until she could get some. So, I stopped on the way home to get osme, and a couple of 44 oz sodas for us to drink while we watched TV.


    I don't remember the exact context of how the conversation come up, but at around 6:30 I mad ethe satement that I could tell her what I wanted. Karen gave me a sweet grin and asked, "Would you like to jump my bones?" My heart jumped into my throat, and I eagerly responded "YES!" She smiled and said, "OK. I think we can do that."


    The moment was like the very air was filled wtih enchanted music singing to my ears;. She hadn't said anythign along the lines of giving it up, or giving in, or fulfilling some duty, etc... She had smiled and asked me if I would like to make love to her, adn then acknowledged that she would like to make that happen. It was total acceptance and willing acknowledgement of my desires for her. I almost started crying, but I didn't want to jinx the moment.


    At 7 PM, the Goldbergs came on TV, and it was theri Halloween episode for the year. I had seen previews for the show, and was excited that we were going to actually be able to watch it. Karen's usual shows in that time slot were being pre-empted by the World Series (I had actually forgotten that baseball was still going on. LOL)

    Karen mentioned that she had been ready to head to the bedroom at 7 PM, but didn't want to interrupt my show. I quickly corrected that missconception. I ran downstairs to turn on my DVR, put some dog food in the dog's bowls, and rushed back upstairs to show my Bubbie Bee that nothing was more important to me than being intimate with her at that moment.

    (TMI ALERT - Adult Details ahead)
    I won't go into graphic details, no one needs that information, but it was nice. It was REALLY NICE. Our minds had already engaged in verbal foreplay, and we were both ready to be one with one another. The moment we joined together was like a glimpse of Heaven. Nothing in this world is sweeter than the way I feel when I am joined with Karen's body.

    As we were nearing the conclusion of our intimate moment, and Karen had already expereienced her release, and mine was building to climax; I leaned down and paid some attention to her breasts.
    I couldn't help myself. Karen looked so amazingly beautiful there in front of me. She was/is the most beautiful thing in the entire world at that moment. Her smile, the look on her face after experiencing her own climax. The look on her eyes, knowing that she was giving me such beautiful bliss and pleasure.

    I love the moment when Karen climaxes. To me, that is the most important, and most rewarding and fulfilling, moment of making love to her. That is when I receive pure joy in my heart and soul; even if I didn't also climax from our live making, that moment when her body shudders and clenches onto me inside of her. When her body releases its pent up energy, and she becomes wet from the physical redponse to her orgasm. THAT is when I am bathed in love and emotional bliss.

    As I nibbled on her nipples and took her soft bosom into my mouth, her body physically reacted beneath me. She squirmed, and even sucked in air through her teeth and then let out a brief moan.

    This was amazing. her breasts have not responded in that way in a very, very long time.

    Her excitment was infectious, and that was more than I could take in, and it spurred me on to my own fulfilling moment. My body shook and went weak in the knees. It was the most beautiful moment of my day, week, month.

    Thank you, Bubbie Bee.
    Thank you for being so beautiful and amazing.


    Mullen, Karen [3:27 PM]:
    OG
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:27 PM]:
    ?
    Mullen, Karen [3:28 PM]:
    OMG
    we are out of ice
    not a drill
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:28 PM]:
    OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Mullen, Karen [3:28 PM]:
    we. are. out. of. ice
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:29 PM]:
    What ever will you do?
    I can get osme on the way home, but that is 135 hours away till I leave for the day
    not 135 hours
    Mullen, Karen [3:29 PM]:
    135 hours????????
    oh no
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:29 PM]:
    1.5 hours
    I hit the three instread of the dot
    lol
    Mullen, Karen [3:30 PM]:
    please bring some home
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:30 PM]:
    There isn't another bag outside?
    Mullen, Karen [3:30 PM]:
    and get us some soas
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:30 PM]:
    k
    Mullen, Karen [3:30 PM]:
    *sodas
    i checked and did not see one
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:30 PM]:
    I may have moved it to a lower shelf, then again we may have used it all
    Mullen, Karen [3:30 PM]:
    i looked on all the shelves
    Mullen, Dwight A [3:30 PM]:
    I will bring home loads of ice, and sodas
    Mullen, Karen [3:30 PM]:
    if it's there it's hiding
    k
    i need a nap

    My tweets

    • Sun, 23:23: The kids & Bubbie are all tucked into bed, & I'm enjoying the cool air as I listen to the rain. Time to read for a little bit, then to bed. https://t.co/qne3hVKMfI




    Tags:

    Tomorrow morning (actually this morning, 8 hours from now) will be one week since I took Karen to urgent Care, and we learned that she has bronchitis.

    I know that everything I have seen about bronchitis says that it can take anywhere from two to four weeks for a person to feel fully recovered, but Karen is still very sick. She says she still feels as sick as she did a week ago, even though she can breathe a bit better now.

    She has been getting plenty of fluids (at least she tells me she has), and she has been getting plenty of rest. She has even been on vacation this entire past week to be able to sleep and rest.

    As far as I know, she has been doing everything that she needs to be doing to get better.

    Her fever has finally come down to below 100F; and I believe the last time she took it, it was actually in the normal range.

    Her chest x-ray showed nothing unusual, and the doctor said it actually looked good. They gave her a steroid shot, and 5 days worth of steroid pills. She has been on antibiotic for a full week now, and I don't think the cough medicine that they gave here was of any real help. At least not to hear Karen talk about it.

    I wish they would have sent her home with a nebulizer and albuterol to do breathing treatments every day.

    So, when will she start feeling better?

    This morning, she felt well enough to go to breakfast with me to Golden Corral, and then to go to the store. But after all of that, she came home and felt like she was wiped out. She took jack to the orthopedic specialist yesterday morning, and that took all of her strength out of her. She took the kids to Spirit Halloween yesterday afternoon (without me, and don't even get me started on that one), and it tired her out.


    Every time that Karen starts showing significant signs of improvement, she seems to have a sudden relapse of symptoms. The coughing will come back with a vengeance, seemingly out of nowhere.

    I know the cough has caused her ribs to feel bruised. Her muscles are tired and exhausted form the clenching. Occasionally, she coughs so much that it makes her tinkle.

    I have had a humidifier in her room for the past three days, and have kept it filled. It sits next to her fan, and should be providing the moisture into the air that would help her breathe better. We even got some Vick's Vapo Rub to put on her chest.

    So, when will my Bubbie Bee finally start feeling better?
    How long will it take for her to start feeling normal again?
    What is keeping her from recovering the way she needs to?
    What can I do to help her recover faster?
    What can I do to help her feel better?

    I feel so helpless. I want to be able to so something, anything, to help her get well, and to make her feel better. I want to be able to do something to "fix it" and make it so that she can be back to normal, and feeling like herself again.

    I've been trying to help out by making sure that there is nothing around the house that she will feel she needs to get up and take care of. But I don't feel like that is enough. I want to be able to so something more.

    I wonder if there is something in our bedroom, or in our bathroom, that is making her not recover as fast as she could be? Is something in our room making her sick? Is she doing more harm by staying cooped up in our bedroom, instead of coming out and propping herself upon the couch in the living room for at least a few hours at a time?

    Hotel California 10/20/1976

    41 years ago today, the Eagles recorded "Hotel California" live at The Forum in Los...

    Posted by Dwight Mullen on Friday, October 20, 2017




    It's actually quite a dark song; about the way that drugs and indulgences of the pursuit of a lifestyle of self indulgence and extravagance (a metaphor for some people's version of the American Dream) can pull a person into a place where it seems they cannot escape.

    I love the line that says: "Last thing I remember, I was running for the door, I had to find the passage back to the place I was before."

    It indicates to me that even the deprived human spirit still craves and seeks redemption, when they finally realize that what they have chased after in life was not at all as beautiful and perfect as it seemed. (whether or not most would see that as a need for redemption, or a need to escape the pitfalls of their choices, is maybe a bit of a stretch, but I have to interpret it in terms of my own life's struggles)

    While not a story about sunshine and happiness or the joys in life that many other songs may employ to lift our spirits; this song has a lot of parallels to how I have viewed my own struggles with various pitfalls in my life over the years:

    • My suffering through 11 years of sexual abuse at the hands of Royal Cornelius (Neal) Crase, and surviving having been not only molested but raped (in both a metaphoric and literal sense).
      - He raped me of my childhood.
      - He raped me mentally and emotionally through manipulation, exposure to pornography beginning at the age of 8 years old, and putting me in a state of constant fear for myself and my brothers.
      - And he physically used my body in multiple actions of sexual rape - orally and anally, over the curse of those years; on one occasion even holding me down and forcing himself into me as I told him how much it hurt and begged him to stop.


    • The years of my teenage and young adulthood youth - where my focus on life was sexual conquest, and the constant pursuit and indulgence of physical pleasure; even if it was at the expense of those I was involved with to achieve those goals.
      Between the ages of 15 to 25, I was sexually promiscuous, I abused my body with substances such as alcohol and hallucinogenic drugs. And I am not proud of many of the actions I undertook while under the influence of all of the above factors.


    • Bi-polar and anxiety disorders. Something that I have successfully triumphed over time and time again thus far in my life; but that is ever lurking just under the surface of my mind's reality. This is a constant and daily struggle, even if I manage to show no outward evidence of my battles. When others don't see my pain and struggles, that is how I know I am winning.

    The hauntingly beautiful music of this song allows me to take a brief, safe, glimpse into the memories of where I have been in some of those darker moments of my life, and reminds me that while I have triumphed (thanks to salvation from a He who is much greater than myself) , I must remain ever vigilant in guarding my path.

    That's just me. that is how I have interpreted this song for my own personal experience.
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