My daily TWEETS from TWITTER, Writer's Block entries, and a few general updates will still remain public.
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- Current Mood: curious
- Current Mood: numb
- Current Mood: irritated
I suppose it is a good thing that she is here 4 days early (it's been 24 days since she last showed up at Karen's "doorstep"). Maybe this way, she will be gone by this coming weekend, and karen will be able to enjoy the pool party at Rob and Cindy's house.
Oddly enough, I had just asked Karen the other evening if she was about to start her period.
- Current Mood: disappointed
I just can't take it any more.....
(BTW... by "gets some," I mean "pussy.")
Old habits are apparently all too easy to fall back into.
Every time it seems that karen and I make some progress in this area, and it looks like we have a shot at a more normal intimate love life, Aunt Flo comes around and everything that was accomplished in the prior month gets thrown out in the trash like the bloody tampons she leaves behind.
Bubbie and I managed to go a few weeks, where a conscious effort was made to share intimate moments on a more regular, and normal, schedule. That came to a screaching halt once Aunt Flo showed up in our house, for her July monthly visit.
As of this evening, I havent had intimate relations with my wife since July 9th; and not due to any lack of interest, or constant asking, on my part. In fact, I ask AND get shot down so frequently, that it is truly demoralizing and depressing. It literally keeps me up at night, thinking about how often I am pushed away or shut down when I try to initiate intimate moments.
I know that my wife loves me. On a scale of 1 to 10, my wife's love for me is hands down a 10 on most days; and even an 8.5 on days when we might be arguing or fussing about something.
But "KNOWING" that you are loved is only half the factor when determing how loved a person feels.
There's another aspect of INTIMACY: Feeling wanted, needed, and desired, by your spouse... that is just as important.
For most women, this second category of Feeling Loved is a cumulative total from a great many things: help around the house, being provided for, seeing that the family is nurtured and cared for, receiving gifts or flowers, romantic gestures, being reminded they are attractive to you, and then the last 5% to 10% may be physical intimacy (i.e. sex).
For most men, and I definitely fall into this category, most of those criteria that women crave for the second aspect of feeling loved, are all items, that for a man, clearly fall in the first category of KNOWING you are loved.
For me, a HUGE part of what defines Intimacy, is being able to say that I know I am wanted and desired; without me having to ask or beg for that attention or feedback. Physical or Sexual contact can easily account for 80% of that.
In a relationship with a regular sex life, these feelings of doubt or absence don't crop up nearly as quickly after the last physical encounter.
But, when there are weeks or months in between intimate and sexual encounters, it only takes a day or two for self doubt, or security within the relationship, to rear its ugly head. Each day that goes by, without an intimate touch or caress, or some sort of bonding moment between us, breeds a touch of insecurity. The basic need isn't being met, and the foundation of the relationship feels shaky.
I often find myself asking: Did she initiate sex at any point in the past month (or ever)? Did she touch me in an intimate or sexual way? Kisses, hugs, cuddling, snuggles, and random hand to sensitive areas make up another 10%. The last 5% to 10% or so is being told I am handsome to her, stroking my ego so to speak, asking me to do things I know she could do for herself, but wants meto do for her anyway.
But back to that 80% of needing physical intimacy. If those needs aren't acknowledged or addressed in some way; it doesnt matter how much a man knows he is loved....
You can cook every meal like it is a feast, - wash every shirt, pants, underwear and sock we own, - have a spotless house top to bottom, - plan every social event (birthday, sleep over, etc...) and nurture the kids better than any other person could.... the aspect score of feeling loved can still be deflated by the fact that I don't feel wanted or desired by the one and only person I 'NEED' that assurance from.
This lack of intimacy in my relationship tears at the very core of who I am. I never had body shame issues, before my wife stopped letting me feel wanted. I never obsessed about feeling unwanted or lonely until I felt shunned and ignored intimately. I never had issues of waking in the middle of the night, and binge eating to feed my depression and doubdts of self worth. I literally carry the depression from lack of intimacy with me throughout the day; in the form of about 45 pounds of fat sitting on my gut (the worst way a man can carry excess weight). The lack of intimacy in my life is the driving cause for my high blood pressure. It is the single largest contributing factor for any feelings of depression that I experience. it is the leading cause of my insomnia and poor sleep patterns. It is a driving factor in causing the physical conditions that lead to my migraine headaches.
The lack of INTIMACY in my relationship with my wife, is literally killing me; on both a mental and physical level.
Yes, I know I AM LOVED. In that way, I am blessed. Even today, on a day when Karen and I argued, I give her a 10 out of 10 in that category....
But right now, my INTIMACY score is drained like a depleted battery. I'm barely reading a 1.5 or maybe a 2; and once you average those two aspects of FEELING LOVED together.... that doesn't end up leaving me FEELING all that loved.
Right now, I feel like Im in a race with Aunt Flo, to see who gets to FEEL loved by Karen more.... and I dont want to lose this race again this month.... Like so many other months. Every time that Aunt Flo comes around, and it has been weeks,or months, since I last was able to make love to Karen, it rips me apart formteh inside out. it is the most depressing time of the month for me; especially in light of the fact that I sense her hormone changes adn am usually in a heightened sense of arrousal every time that I am in the same room as my wife.
I dont want to have to race, battle, fight, or feel envious of Aunt Flo at all. I would rather be able say, "Aunt Flo is here? No big deal, we can pick up our normal routine as soon as she is gone. In the mean time, let me focus on other areas of our intimate love life." We could cuddle more. Go to bed at the same time. watch a show while cuddled up onthe couch together.
All things that I feel too resentful to do most of the time, because I'm feeling too hurt, emotionally, to want to even be in the same room as the person I really most want to be with at all times. I don't even feel like I can go sleep in our bed at night, because I don't feel I belong there.
- Current Mood: distressed
He gets to have a Blonde, Bobbed, Barberette shave his head bald
Was viewing my daily subscription updates on Youtube, and this video popped up in a list of recently trending videos, as a charity event, titled John's Shave. Of course it caught my eye, and I had to click on it.
His friend, Beth, had been urging him to cut his hair since around March. So when he mentioned that he was going to cut it for charity, she claimed dibs on being the one to shave him bald.
John is shaving his head in a UK event that is similar to St. Baldrick's.
I'm definitely jealous. My long hair suits me much better than his did him (mine truly does look better long), and I am in no way comparing this woman to my wife, as my wife is much hotter in my eyes.... But, this scenario, of a curvy, BLONDE, barberette, with cute bobbed hair, having fun while cutting and shaving her friend's long hair off to bald,... it is exactly the scenario that I had been wanting and hoping that Karen would be sharing with me this Fall.
I was looking back through my journal entries, and was amazed at exactly how many times I mentioned that same scenario over and over again; going all the way back to when she first went blonde.
Within the past 4 years (since April 21st, 2012), the journal tag "barberette" (meaning that some portion of the entry specifically talks about me wanting Karen to cut or shave my hair) has been used more than 80 times. That averages out to about one reference every 2 1/2 weeks. Additionally, the journal tag "blonde" has been used in conjunction with barberette at least 49 times.
That tells me that the frequency at which I have been asking and pleading with Karen to shave my head has increased in recent months/years, and has specifically fixated on her being a blonde haired barberette at the time that my long hair hits the floor.
With that realization in mind, I'm not exactly certain where that leaves me at this time. I'm not sure about how I feel about moving forward on recent thoughts about cutting my hair or not cutting my hair.
Karen's hair is not currently blonde. It's red. I was excited about the possibility of seeing her blonde hair get bobbed off, and maybe later even cropped really short. But with the red hair, I pray she lets it get as long as it can possibly grow. Opposite color schemes, and opposite fantasies.
Regardless of any of that, I have to decide what I am going to do with MY hair. It's time for Karen to try to quit smoking again; and right now, I'm the missing puzzle piece that is keeping her from making that decision for herself.
This would have all been SO MUCH EASIER if she could have waited just two more months before making me color her blonde hair red. It would for sure have been much easier if my wife would take a personal interest in me, and take the time to read my journal entries from time to time.
So, what's next? I don't know.
If you would have asked me on June 19th, I would have told you my detailed plan to have Karen shave my head, begin the gradual transition from blonde to red/red-brown, and quit smoking all at the same time.
Now, I'm all mixed up again. All f'd up and confused. Right now, I'm not sure of anything other than that I know Karen can't keep putting her health at risk.
It might be another year, or two, or three, before she has any itch of a desire to try blonde hair again. Theoretically, I can wait it out. My hair is on my head and basically just has to not fall out for that scenario. But we can't afford to gamble with Karen's health for that long. That part of the equation (the smoking barberette) needs a more immediate resolution, or I have to just let the fantasy go all together once and for all.
Maybe I just wasn't obvious enough, about how much I wanted her to be my Blonde Bombshell Barberette? (Here are just a few examples, from the past year)
But the day of this specific pool party, two years ago, was an exceptionally memorable one for me.
Earlier that day, Karen had gone to see our friend Kris (manager at a local salon), to have her blunt cut hair (that I had cut in May) shaped up and properly cut into a more refined style. She came home with the beautifully bobbed haircut, pictured below, and absolutely blew my mind away. I was, and am to this very day, enamored and in love with that style on her.
The only thing that I didn't like about that bob cut, that she received that day, was the fact that I didn't get to go with her to see it cut. Otherwise, it was, and still is, quite literally one of my all time two favorite "short" haircuts on Karen.
And, up until just 49 days ago, this was a haircut that I had hoped and prayed (and wrote about extensively in prior journal entries) to soon see on Karen again; the only difference being that it would have been a super sexy blonde version of that same bob. A blonde bob, that I had hoped to gaze upon, as my Bubbie took the clippers to my own hair later this Fall.
I still fantasize about that bob cut. Such a hot look on her!
So damn SEXY & HOT! As gorgeous from behind as she is from the front. So in LOVE w/ this woman. Lucky she's mine. <3 pic.twitter.com/fQGrN88DlF— UrsaSolus (@ursasolus) August 9, 2014
- Current Mood: horny
I’m always asking Karen to text me cute or sexy selfies. So I figured I would send her a few “sexy” pics of myself back. (laundry and dishes, and there’s more where those came from, ladies) 😉😎😜
I do this all the time; and for some reason, my wife thinks it’s sexy that I do the laundry, the dishes, mow the yard, trim the hedges, scrub the bathroom and toilets, etc… So, I sometimes send her random pics of me doing things around the house.
I had just received my new "DELL XPS17 L702X" laptop a few days before, and was in the process of transferring files from my old Dimension 8400 desktop PC. I had just opened up the DELL Webcam Central program for the first time, and was trying to figure out the settings so that I could take a new profile photo for social media sites.
I kept hearing it click, and realized that it was still taking snapshots. Something I had clicked had it capturing a set of photos, rather than a single shot. It was in some sort of burst photobooth mode, so I posed until it stopped. I selected these 5 to share to FaceBook that night.
It has been 5 years, and my hair is just recently grown back to that same length. There have been a lot of changes over these past 5 years, but one thing remains the same... the ladies LOVE the long hair.
- Current Mood: amused
At least, that is what I would like to be saying to everyone.
I should be happy today. I should be smiling, singing, bouncing around the office and having a great last day to the work week.
But, I’m not feeling it today. In fact, I’m having a really crappy day so far; and for once, it’s not work’s fault.
My car is at the dealer’s shop; getting checked out because of a check engine light issue.
I’m seriously hoping that it’s nothing more than an issue with the gas cap, and the vapor sensor being overly touchy. For all I know, the gas cap has a bad seal, and just needs to be replaced. According to what I’ve seen online, this is a common issue with GMC’s, and ACADIAs especially. The forum I was reading says it takes up to 24 hours, or driving between 75 to 100 miles, for the code to clear out of the ECM; even after the gas cap is back on correctly, or the issue is corrected.
So, I’m keeping my fingers crossed on that one.
I didn’t sleep well at all last night.
Not only am I having frequent issues with insomnia, I’m just feeling stressed the F out lately. And it’s not any one single large thing to be stressed out about. Just lots of little things that seem to pile up on my mind. And, with the way things have been since the 13th, I just feel that I have no one that I can turn to, in order to even talk things out or discuss the daily BS with. I feel so lonely and forsaken. (isolated, alone, friendless, unwanted, gloomy, sad, depressed, forlorn, and downright blue)
And if that fact weren’t enough… I’ve really felt ostracized this entire week. Aunt Flo has been hanging around our house since last Saturday; and she has been in rare form for the past 5 days. I’m ready for her to go home, and I’m not just saying that because I’m antsy to get some nookie. It’s like walking through a mine field at our house, and I seem to keep stepping in ALL the wrong spots. (Aunt Flo has some serious anger management issues)
I’ve kept my spirits up, by looking forward to tonight and this weekend.
The weekend is almost here, and things just don’t seem to be panning out the way I had envisioned them.
Hoping that I get my car back today, so that I can go out this evening, and have it to drive to the Dolly Parton Concert tomorrow night.
I tried to plan a surprise evening out, for tonight; and it’s pretty much already turning out to be a downer before we even get out the door. That trend seems to be my standard “modus operandi” lately. Oh shit. Who am I kidding? There's no "lately" to it; that's always the case for me.
So, yeah. Happy Friday everyone………
UPDATE: 15:30 PM CDT
Suntrup GMC called a short while ago, and my ACADIA is good to go. Turns out that it was just a loose hose between the air intake and a throttle and engine efficiency sensor. I heard a mechanic in the background telling the service manager that it probably did not get fastened down tight, the last time I had it serviced, and managed to finally vibrate loose within the last day or two.
That is a HUGE relief, and a load off of my mind.
Bubbie seems to be a little more amiable about the prospect of going to the movie later tonight. She IM'd me a while ago, to tell me that I have to buy her soda, and popcorn, and anything else that she decides she wants at the theater. Then she hinted that she wants 'Tater' Skins and Wings for dinner.
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- Current Mood: stressed
- Wed, 20:48: I LOVE walking behind you, watching you walk, and watching your sexy long hair swing as it hangs down your back. So gorgeous! 🔥🔥❤🔥🔥
I LOVE walking behind you, watching you walk, and watching your sexy long hair swing as it hangs down your back. So gorgeous! 🔥🔥❤🔥🔥— UrsaSolus (@ursasolus) July 28, 2016
A friend, on Facebook, sent me this list of questions to answer and post to my wall. I figure that I will answer it here, before I decide if I really eant to post the answers to a social media site that everyone can easily see and access.
YOU MUST ANSWER ALL 32. NO LYING. BE HONEST!! 😜😉
❥ Single? No. I am married to a wonderful woman, named Karen.
❥ Crushing?I have several celebrity crushes; but I'm too busy being IN LOVE with Karen to be thinking about anyone else.
❥ Favorite food?Chinese, Shepherd's pie, KC Strip steak (med well), 7 layer dip, Taco Salads.
❥ Favorite colors?Hunter green, TrueBlue, Teal, Sage green, Indigo blue.
❥Favorite Music? 80's Pop, 80's-90's Hair Bands, Praise &Worship, TV & Movie themes.
❥ Talents? Art, Piano,
❥ Hobbies?Drawing, writing, scouts and camping.
❥ hair Long/short?Currently very long. About 22 to 24 inches long all over.
❥ Height?6 foot, 1 inch.
❥ Jacket/Hoodie? Most of the time, both. I often wear a jacket over a zippered hoodie.
❥ Eye color?Blue
❥ Hair color?Medium brown, with reddish undertones, and some natural grey highlights showing here and there.
❥ Shirt color? Currently wearing TrueBlue
❥ Jeans shorts?I am usually wearing jeans or cargo pants; but when I'm wearing shorts, they are typically scout uniform shorts or a hiking short.
❥ Get married?Currently married. To Karen J. Chambers Mullen, since 08 MAR 2003.
❥ Get divorced?Got divorced, once. Will never let that happen ever again.
❥ Still wet the bed ?What kind of question is that? Only time I wet anything near the bed, is when I'm being (or dreaming about being) intimate with Karen.
❥ Had or have depression?Yes. I have been diagnosed with depression in the past. Other than some mild seasonal affective issues, I have been relatively symptom free for just over three years now. Most of my recent feelings of depression can be directly linked to relationship or intimacy situations.
❥ Daydream?All The Time!
❥ Thought of food?Not since lunch.
❥ Someone you love?Karen, Jack, Delaney; and my family (Mom, M.I.L., Brothers, Sis-in-laws)
❥ Someone you hate?Hate is a very strong emotion. Few people in this world have ever deserved a position to warrant that much time and emotion from me. I intensely dislike most public official members of the Democrat political party. Currently, Hillary Clinton tops that list.
❥ Dream jobs?In order: Hair Salon Owner (stylist), Graphic Design Artist or Illustrator, Cabinet maker/carpenter, Scout Leader (paid position), Teacher (but, probably not at a public school).
❥ Got tattoos?Yep. Three: each upper arm, and one on the left side of my chest.
❥ Got piercings?Just a pierced left ear.
❥ Worst day of your life?There are too many to list or describe here. The day my Dad passed away is pretty high on the list.
❥ Best days of your life?Wedding day with Karen, the day Jack was born, the day Delaney was born, the day that Karen let me give her an inch long buzzed crop cut with long fringe (July 2006).
One "recent"day that really sticks out in my mind: A day, last Summer, I was chatting with Karen on IM, and she asked me to come home from work on my lunch break to make love to her. She initiated, and invited me, to come have sex with her. That was one of the happiest days I can remember in recent years.
❥ Biggest Fears?Losing members of my family, or family members getting ill. Not having enough money to pay for things we need. Going bald, and losing my hair. Doubting someone's love and commitment to me. That I'm not doing a good enough job at raising my kids, or being a good husband.
'Shave Me Bald Tonight'
I have a hunger. It's a fetish
that tries to keep this man awake at night
Are you my barber? I shouldn't wonder
Now sit me down, act out my fantasy
With all the hormones you're releasing
It isn't safe to have the clippers in our home
Anticipation is running through me
Let's plug 'em in and turn the clippers on
I can feel you breath
I hear the clippers getting closer (Closer)
Shave me bald tonight
I don't want to let you go 'til you shave my head
Shave me bald tonight
Listen, honey, just like Bubbie said
Be my little baldy, oh, ho, oh
I get frightened, that it won't grow back
I get nightmares, I'm losing all my hair
I need some company a sexy' lady barber
To shave my head when I'm growing old
I can feel a breeze
I feel the clippers buzzing faster (Faster)
Shave me bald tonight
I don't want to let you go 'til you shave my head
Shave me bald tonight
Listen, honey , just like Bubbie said
Be my little baldy
Be my little baldy, uh-huh
Just like Bubbie said
Just like Bubbie said
Be my little baldy
Baldy, my darlin', uh, uh, oh, oh, oh
I feel a hunger
It's the fetish
Shave me bald tonight
I don't want to let you go 'til you shave my head
Shave me bald tonight
Listen, honey, just like Bubbie said
Be my little baldy, oh, ho, oh
It has now been 49 months since my sexy Bubbie Barberette last told me that she would shave my head again. Anyone that has seen me lately knows that no such haircut has happened. My hair is now between 22" and 24" long.
Karen hasn't shaved my head since sometime around the end of Summer in 2007.
At this point, I suppose it's just a fantasy. Nothing more.
So, when certain songs (such as this one) come on, I often change the words in my head to feed the long ago memories when that fantasy was an intimate, playful, moment I once shared with the woman I love.
Other songs in this category include:
- Current Mood: creative
- Sun, 15:42: So VERY TIRED and sleepy this afternoon. I keep losing the struggle to keep my eyes open. Must give in to the nap, https://t.co/GiKd6yCnie
So VERY TIRED and sleepy this afternoon. I keep losing the struggle to keep my eyes open. Must give in to the nap, pic.twitter.com/GiKd6yCnie— D.Mullen (@digzmania) July 24, 2016
Friday night school shopping was quite productive. We managed to get all but one or two items from our entire school supply list. Once we learn which team Jack will be on for 7th grade, we will probably have to get a few more items; but for the most part we are ready to go for the first day of school.
The rest of the evening was pretty much nondescript. Chic-Fil-a for dinner, and shopping.
Saturday was nothing all that special either. I spent about two hours cleaning and detailing the interior of the 2007 HHR. it could probably be done much better by a professional, but I scrubbed the leather seats, the door and dash panels, and spent a great deal of time and effort removing spots from the carpeting with upholstery cleaner specifically designed for cars.
I could have accomplished a lot more, and would even have worked even harder to get more of the spots and stains out; but the temperatures were above 100 F outside (heat index well over 110 F), and after two hours I felt like I was on the edge of a heat stroke.
I did go out with the girls from work, Saturday night. But although I did not have a bad time, I can't honestly say I had a good time either. I got the impression that most of the group that was expected to show up for the evening, never showed. The bar itself was pretty dead the entire night. And, quite frankly, although I like Morgan and Alli (they are two of my favorite employees), they are just a couple of kids compared to me. I'm old enough to be either girl's father.
I would much rather have been with Karen, playing trivia.
Fortunately, the entire evening out only cost me $20 in drinks. A relatively cheap evening (I pretty much got what I paid for.) :-(
But that also means that I still have the money, that I had anticipated spending last night, saved in my pocket for next weekend. It might not be payday, but karen and I can do date Night on Friday, and the Dolly Parton concert on saturday.
Today has been Ok so far, but it's just to dang hot to do anything that I really need to be doing. I need to be outside mowing the front yard, and then tackling the overgrown jungle that is currently taking over the back yard.
Karen and I went out for Brunch at 10:30, and had a really nice meal together. Just the two of us.
That was after we had snuggled in bed for about half an hour. During which Karen laughed at me the entire time, because I kept playing with her hair and burying my face into the hair at the back of her head. I can't help it.
- Her hair is so incredibly sexy and beautiful: It's finally getting really Long again, Its so Soft, and it's so Silky and shiny. I can't keep my hands out of it.
- It always smells really good.
- It's a really sexy dark red, which drives me crazy to begin with (you should see it shine like a fire filled ruby as it reflects the sun).... and finally...
- She's putting off hormones (because of Aunt Flo) that are driving me absolutely insane. And her hair is pretty much the only part of her body that I can touch without making her upset.
That's all fine with me, because I love her hair. It's sexy, and turns me on.
After our brunch, we picked up a prescription at Walgreen's pharmacy, and then headed to Michael's and Target to do a little bit of shopping.
Karen had a really good coupon for Michael's, which she was able to apply to items already on sale. She bought me some new watercolor markers and illustration pens; to help me work on art projects.
Kinda got me wondering if she's not hinting that she would like me to send her more of my little artsy love notes and cards. I haven't given her any for quite some time (since before scout camps started up). I have a couple finished, and others that are near to being done; but most of them were started when she still had the blonde hair. So, I need to start from scratch on most of them and re-do the artwork. Now that I have new index cards, markers, and pens, I'll have to make certain to work on some soon.
By the time we got home a few hours ago, the temperature was 100 F again. The heat index is somewhere near 116; according to the weather channel and accuweather. Like I said, I need to be mowing the grass,but I don't want to have a heat stroke trying to do it.
So, right now, I'm catching up on shows recorded on my DVR, and trying to squeeze in another nap. I figure the rest of this day is shot, which means that the weekend is pretty much a wrap; other than just chillaxing and laying around.
Which brings us to looking forward to NEXT WEEKEND:
Next weekend will be a blast; and hopefully help me put this weekend completely out of my memory. Although this weekend isn't technically over yet, I'm already looking forward to next Friday and Saturday nights.
Makeup date Night: Friday night, we can do dinner (Ruby Tuesday's or Qdoba) and a movie. Just like we did back in the days when we were dating. The comedy,'Bad Moms,' comes out next Friday night, and it's a movie that I have had highlighted as a Date Night movie on my must see 2016 Summer Movies list since I made my list back at the beginning of May. I think it's supposed to be more of a chick flick, but it has some awesome eye candy in it for me (Mila Kunis and Christina Applegate), and based upon the trailers that have come out since May 2nd, it looks like it will be absolutely hilarious. Bought my tickets early, and online, and managed to save $3 pers person off the normal ticket price. Woo hoo!
Saturday Night: It's seems like it was just a week ago that I bought Karen the tickets to see Dolly Parton in concert.... and now the night of the concert is almost upon us.
I really don't care for Dolly Parton all that much, but Karen really likes her; and since she's not getting any younger (Dolly, that is), I thought it important to take my Sweetie to see her in concert at the Scottrade Center. I know what it's like to really want to see a musical artist, or band, and not have anyone that wants to take you to see them. She wanted this, so I want to make it happen for her. I know it's going to be a really fun time. A perfect occasion and reason to do her hair and makeup, and get dressed to have a fun night out on the town. Heck, I have to figure out what I'm going to wear. I don't have a clue what to wear to see Dolly in concert.
So, yeah. this weekend may have turned out to be a stinker of a disappointment, but next Friday and saturday will make up for it.
I know it's easier said than done, but what's done is done. Wipe the slate clean and leave it in the past. Look to what's ahead and make the most of it. Well, next weekend has a lot to look forward to and be happy about.
- Current Mood: optimistic
- Sun, 03:04: Didn't have a bad night, but can't really say I had fun either. Would much rather have been doing something with my girl. 😕 #myweekendsucked
Didn't have a bad night, but can't really say I had fun either. Would much rather have been doing something with my girl. 😕 #myweekendsucked— UrsaSolus (@ursasolus) July 24, 2016
This “quiz” got the ‘Things that you hide’ list 100% right, and even bolded the top item in each category correctly; but the 2nd and 3rd items in the 'Things that you show’ are quite questionable.
I tend to hide the "Things I hide," behind the smile that I show.
Things that you hide:
Things that you show:
No Date Night, No Trivia with my Sweetie and "friends," and now... No Sex.
Damn it, Aunt Flo! I'm so horney, for my wife, that not only do my shaven balls ache, but my entire body is shutting down from hormone overload; and now I've got nowhere to release it's full fury. For the past several days, I've been desperately looking forward to making love to my Sweetie, for what would have probably been the only redeeming moments of the upcoming weekend. Now you have robbed me of even that singular moment of pleasure.
Why? Why did you have to show up today? You are THREE Days early! You weren't supposed to be here till Monday.
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- Current Mood: crappy
Tomorrow is Friday, and a payday, but I'm ready for Monday to hurry up and get here. Let's get the weekend over with and start the next work week already.
Nope. That's not a typo.
Tomorrow may be Friday, but I already know my weekend is going to suck. My social calendar looks like shit for the next three days straight, so we might as well get past the formalities and start that next dreaded work week.
And, that's OK. It is what it is, I suppose. I'm disappointed, and sad. It just seems like thete is a pattern of let down situations here lately, and it's starting to eat away at me. Starting to affect my mood, and putting me in a shut down protective mode.
But, right now, I want to try to focus on something a bit more positive.
- Tomorrow night is still date night. And since I didn't get "lucky" last weekend, I'm hopefully looking forward to some sexy hanky panky.
- Bubbie will have a good time this weekend, and hopefully feel socially, emotionally, and mentally recharged.
- Maybe I will get some much needed rest and relaxation. I might even get caught up on some of the 30+ hours of shows recorded on my DVR.
- Tomorrow is pay day, and I will be able to pay some bills.
- Next week is the last week of the month; and the sooner it gets here, the sooner next weekend will get here... bringing us closer to my beading ceremony, Rob's pool party, Karen's HS reunion, etc...
- Next weekend will make up for this weekend being a complete flop:
1. Friday night Karen and I can have 2nd date night two weekends in a row. She won't be expecting it, and I'm really hoping it will be a super fun surprise. Dinner and a movie; Like old school date nights. Im going to take her to see the movie 'Bad Moms' on it's opening night. I am so stoked! LOL. Its not often that a chick flick comedy comes out, that I am really excited to see; but I've been waiting for this movie since the trailer dropped on May 2nd.Not sure if Karen has heard of it, but I really think we will both enjoy it.
2. Saturday night is the Dolly Parton concert.
So, that's what I'm focused on right now. Trying to have a positive attitude, and a positive outlook. Trying to stay away from the negativity that tries to drag me down; and then causes me to drag Karen down with me.
Can't promise that I won't still feel sad and disappointed about Saturday night (and the weekend in general), but I'm going to try to not dwell on it.
Besides, they only invited me; and going to a social engagement, without your spouse, especially on an evening where that person has been looking forward to that that evening being with friends, as a couple (especially if it is for an event they have greatly looked forward to, and anticipated for quite some time), would be in very poor taste, and not very respectful of my wife.
This specific weekend, I would really like to go. The Saturday plans that I have looked forward to for several months have fallen through (no one's fault really, it just happened that way), and I could really use a fun evening with friends to cheer me up.
Anticipating that I would turn them down as usual, they waited until today to extend the usual invite. I really wanted to tell them yes, and say that I would join them this time around. But I would need to be able to offer the courtesy to my wife of having told my friends that I would need to ask, and discuss it with her, before accepting their invitation. And by the time I had been invited, my wife had made me aware of her plans for Friday evening. She takes priority in my life; not just because she's my wife, but because I love her and I want her to be at the top of my priority list in all things.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I "can't go out and have fun," because of my wife. That's not it at all. It's not an issue of trust, or of permission. But simply an issue of courtesy and respect.
I'm a 45 year old adult. I don't need Karen's permission to go out, or be with other friends with or without her being there. But, I know that she has expected that this time slot in our schedules would be an evening that we would spend together. As her husband, partner, and friend, I would want to know how she felt about any changes in my/our plans, before I made any plans or commitments to anyone else. She's my wife. And, even though she would most likely tell me to go and enjoy my time with friends... I also have to respect that she might say no. That she might have reason to need to be with me, or want that time with me. So, I need (and always should want) to be mindful of her needs and feelings in the matter. I owe her that amount of respect and courtesy.
Yep. That's just one of the many ways that allow us to show our partners that we truly wish to treat them with respect and courtesy. Not everyone follows these guidelines in their relationship... But That's how I roll.
UPDATE: The girsl from work had to change their schedule at the l;ast minute, and will be going out saturday night instead. They asked me again, just to see if that made a difference in me being able to go. I ran it past Karen, to make sure she would be OK with that, and she told me to "go have fun."
- Current Mood: disappointed
STILL LOVIN' IT!
I love the RED.
Enough so, that I've already re-colored it just 5 days ago, in order to keep it that same intense dark color. It had faded quite a bit from the first time we colored it. I had actually anticipated that, and knew it would need to be colored again before a full month had passed. You just can't take hair that is stripped of all color and expect a solid red to hold onto the hair with only one application.
We had been shopping just a few days before last Saturday, and I had purchased a box of deep mahogany brown hair color in the same product line that we have always used on Karen's hair. I know that putting a brown base into her hair will help keep the hair from lightening quite as much. The brown dye molecules are small enough to embed deep into the hair; giving the red something to hold onto. even if the red fades, the brown will keep the hair's darker, rich, tones from fading.
Somehow, we also had another box of the Dark Intense red at home. It was on the counter when I started setting up to color her hair; and without realizing that I did not have the mahogany in hand, I applied the dark red to her hair again.
It looks amazing, and incredibly sexy. I love intense reds on my Sweetie.
However, I will not lie. As much as I love the red, I would give anything to bleach her hair back out blonde again. If I for even a moment thought she would go for it, I would gladly pay almost any amount to go have it done...
I really do miss the blonde. I wish we would have had time to go through the stages of gradually going from the platinum blonde to a series of darker, richer blondes. I even still wish I would have had the opportunity to have talked to her about my ideas of cutting her hair into a blonde bob (and maybe even a platinum blonde crop cut sometime later down the road), and all of the other things I never got to bring up.
But what's done is done; and now it is a long luxurious RED. I'm very happy with that. I love her long hair so much, and the dark red is really suiting her very well. I love it when she has had her hair up in a bun, or looped ponytail, and then lets her hair out to hang free around her face and shoulders. It is so incredibly sexy.
A few nights ago, I was laying down next to her in bed, and we were watching TV together. her hair was pulled up into one of those looped bun/ponytails, and I couldn't keep my hands off of her beautiful hair. I kept burying my nose into it to smell her shampoo and conditioner. I wanted to let it all down and loose, to run my fingers through the long silky locks.
- Current Mood: enthralled
After these messages, We'll be right back.
Going to take a brief break from posting music videos to my Facebook wall, to briefly address an issue from this past week. Based upon my last entry, I suppose things are still on my mind, so it's time to think them through and write about what I'm thinking and feeling.
Last tuesday, I made an empassioned journal entry (as I frequently do); but this time, I made the mistake of not changing the security setting of the post to "private" or even "friends" before clicking the "post to digzmania" button. So, rather than posting an entry, adn having 24 to 48 hours to sit on it, and think it over before going back to review and possibly edit the entry; it was immediately out there for potentially anyone to read.
I have long been convinced that no one even reads this journal any longer. At least no one by myself, the search engine bots, and maybe an occasional rendom LJ user that clicks here by mistake.
But, as it turns out, my Mother-in-Law apparently reads these rantings and ravings from time to time. Like I said, it was an empassioned entry, that I had no intention of ever publishing in its original format to public view. I was rude, crude, and vented pure raw emotion out onto the page. It was my intention to not even review the entry for at least a week. But, as I said, it was read; and due to the nature of the content vomited out onto the page, my MIL felt it necessary to bring it to the attention of my wife.
that's where it gets really interesting...
Instead of reading my entry, and having a natural inclination to seek clarification, or to have concern enough to discuss the matter and ask me why I would write something so full of emotion (and obviously from a state of vexation), she barged down the stairs to my quiet polace of refuge to verbally and emotionally attack me in a state of full crazed rage and fury. There were threats of blackmail, and accusations; all while I was dressed up one side and down the other with everything mean and hateful that she could think of to hurl at me.
Oh, she asked questions. But they weren't questions that had an intention to seek understanding. they were questions that ended in viscious barbs of accusation. they were questions that lead into her own next verbal attack. Instead of seeking to have a conversation with me on the issue, she only sought to thrash me into a state of submission and guilt.
"THIS!" she screamed, "Is why I refuse to read your journal!" "And don't bother going back to delete the entry. I have saved a copy and will be sending it to everyone you know. See how your friends feel about you after tehey read what you wrote about them."
Well, if she had made an effort to actually have a civilized discussion with me, she would have learned that I didn't write it about them, or even for the purpose of anyone other than myself to read. Including her.
THIS! Is exactly why I put almost every entry I write behind a private security setting, adn leave it there until I have had a chance to go back and review my own thoughts and intents. The majority (greater than 50%) of what I write on a regular basis never sees the light of day (so to speak) on this journal. I either delete the portions that don't truly reflect my long term feelings and recordings of the moment,or are copied and pasted over to a completely private storage source for later reflection.
But, that's not the true issue and point here. The true issue that is currently darkening my spirit is the fact that she was stirred to such passionate anger so suddently; without any natural instinct or inclination to approach me with the intent to seek out the nature behind my writing.
This is the woman that I claim as being my best friend. The person who should have my interests at heart at all times. Who should see me vent somthing in pain or frustration, and have an innate desire to seek resolution and understanding.
To use a visual analogy, as I like to do: She saw me in a a vulnerable moment of pain and disappointment. My spirit was on fire about somthing that had hurt my feelings. But, instead of coming to the rescue to see if she could throw water onto the flames, or even better understand the source of fire... her instinct and intuitive response was to throw gasolene onto the flames to make it hurt even more.
I love Karen with all of my heart, but how do I continue to build a basis of trust after that? I understand that most people take two steps forward and one step back when they are trying to deal with the natural squabbles and disagreements that come up oin any relationship; but too often I feel like we take two steps forward and then have to run in the opposite direction in full retreat. And I'll be completely honest.... my nerves adn snse of stability are shot to Hell and back. It's like walking on a bed of shattered glass, with no shoes on. Every step is terrifying.
It's not all like that. But damn. Just when things seem like they are going smoothly, and trust is building up in my heart, it seems like something like this (and I'm specifically referring to her reaction to what I wrote, not the original subject that caused me to write the netry to begin with) swoops in and tears it all back down again.
Since that night, I've had time to lick my wounds. I'm making the daily effort to put the structure of trust back into place. But the defensive walls have gone back up again too. I once again find myself justified in bottling things up inside of me. I find solid rationale and sound examples to form the basis of sticking tot he policy of not sharing my ttrue thoughts and feelings with the person I most want to share them with.
How can I logically find cause to open up my heart, my mind, my feelings or emotions to share the most intimate aspects of myself with her; when I am in constant fear of rejection or the type of harsh retribution that I faced that night. What person in their right mind could do so? Seriously, I'm asking anyone. How does a person continue, day after day, to expose their most vulnerable side; when there is a very real threat of being punished or emotionally destroyed for opening up one's defenses?
She says that she needs me to be more open. Talk to her. Share my feelings with her.......
Well, for a breif moment, you saw me in a hurt and vulnerable moment. But instead of comeing to me to seek clarification and understanding; you rolled right over me with anger, and harsh hurtful words. You need to take a moment to stop and think about which one of those two options you truly wish to pursue, because they are complete opposites of one another. And I can't continue to afford to guess which one to plan for and expect at any given random moment.
I can't come to you to open myself up while having to hold a steel shield in front of my heart. The burden is too heavy, and trying to do both is exhausting me beyone my ability to effectively make either work.
For now, I will slowly begin to open my heart back up. I will seek ways to rebuild the trust. I will tip toe around the thoughts and feelings that I have, and the issues I wish to share or discuss. I'll either find ways to share and address them,or I will tuck them away into the shadows and try to ignore them until it is either too late to do anything abou them, or they fade away into oblivion.
I love you. Some times I can't find a specific reason why at that moment. But I chose to love you in those times as much as I love you during the times when you make my heart sing your praises. Why? Because I love you. that's all I need to know....
- Current Mood: determined
I'm tired of feeling so lonely all of the time.
It stresses me out, and makes my nerves feel overwhelmed.
I want people to be happy with me.
I want people to want me, and want to be around me.
People don’t want to be around me, unless they need something from me, or when I’m just that shadow that tags along with something/someone else they want to be around.
People don't consider my feelings or needs. Not unless it somehow affects their own needs in the end.
I feel like I’m merely an afterthought, or the background noise that no one thinks about.
People don't initiate kindness, or affections towards me; they simply mirror back a portion, or an imitation, of the kindness of what I have already extended to them.
I'm tired of being at the bottom of the priority totem pole.
- Thu, 12:27: Having one of those days. Much rather be at home with my Sweetie, or taking her out for a relaxing lunch & drinks. https://t.co/1oCY9lfYF8
- Thu, 20:02: @Pack980 Who is admin for the Pack980 twitter feed?
Having one of those days. Much rather be at home with my Sweetie, or taking her out for a relaxing lunch & drinks. pic.twitter.com/1oCY9lfYF8— D.Mullen (@digzmania) July 14, 2016
My feet are sore, and my back is killing me right now (just took a good dose of ibuprofen and a baby aspirin to help with that); but I don't mind at all, because I spent the evening walking around the mall with my Sweetie. I ended up getting nearly 40% of the steps towards my daily walking goal, just by spending an enjoyable evening with Karen. That means that she got at least 3,000 steps in too.
I really enjoy our little outings (shopping, grocery shopping, or dinner) together; even though I feel a little guilty about leaving the kids at home and not including them in our activities. But they can make what is otherwise a very enjoyable trip to the store, or just an hour out and about, an utter chore and nightmare. Whereas, Karen and I can spend that time together, and it is a really nice time to connect with one another in the evening portion of our hectic day.
Tonight was a perfect example. We picked up some items she had ordered online, and had sent to Lane Bryant, and then walked to half a dozen other stores while we were there. If the kids had been along, I would have much more hurting me than my feet and back. My neck and shoulders would be tensed up right now, and my head would be pounding as well.
But I do look forward to opportunities to be out and about with the whole family. It sometimes seems that we try to cram everything into a portion of the weekend. So, when we can go as a family it's really nice.
7 Things You Need to Know about Your Husband
by Ron Edmondson
I recently wrote a post about 7 things you may not know about your wife. It was a popular post and I committed to write a companion post for the wives.
Here are 7 things wives need to know — but may not know — about your husband:
His ego is more fragile than you imagined. I know, you’re probably tired of hearing about the male ego. I get it. But it hasn’t gone away, and, frankly, the world isn’t too kind on our ego. We see the jokes on every sitcom and commercial about how inadequate we are at times. But there’s not a man with a soul that’s alive that doesn’t want to be admired by the woman in his life. Not one.
He is very visual. Very. More than you are probably thinking. You see his eyes roam. That’s a natural reaction for him. Now, he has responsibility over his eyes—not the girl who attracted them—but if there’s a pretty girl around, he probably saw her long before you did. And he likely battles staring more than you will ever understand.
He doesn’t want you to be his mother. You can say “ouch!” if you need to, but men want a wife, not a mom. I hear this from men frequently—especially young men. If you’re a mom they want you to be a great mom—just not theirs. I know we need mothering sometimes. All of us do. We may even act like big babies at times. But mothering a husband never works. Ever. Be our partner. Our best friend. Not our mother.
When you correct him you hurt him. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t need correcting. He might. But the way you do this is huge. Your respect for him is huge for him. His greatest emotional need. That could be in how he fixes the bed—or the fact that he doesn’t—or for things far worse. If he senses you are talking down to him—not respecting him—he may comply with your wishes in actions (or not), but inside his heart will be growing colder towards you.
He loves you uniquely. He probably won’t love you all the ways you expect him to love. And, frankly, he won’t be all the love you need him to be. He may not always feel love as an emotion as strongly as you do. Your heart is capable of much more than he can fill completely. There will be times—hopefully even seasons when he does—but no man will meet every need of your heart. (Other than the man Jesus.)
What he does really is who he is many times. It’s his identity. If it’s golf, his career, fishing, antique cars or his extensive comic book collection—that’s a part of him. When you miss that or don’t value it, he may feel like less of a man.
He probably thinks you’re more wonderful than you think he does. And he has a strong desire to protect you because of it. He sees all you are capable of doing. He wonders how you keep up with everyone and everything as you do. He may even envy that about you. He respects you—probably more than he knows how to communicate to you.
Guys, anything you would add?
Guys, can I be honest with you? Marriage can be hard.
Did you know that already?
Sometimes you do the wrong thing before you even knew you did the wrong thing. You try to figure out the one you love the most but the more you try the more confused you get. I get it. I understand.
Men and women are different. (You can tweet that.)
We don’t always think and respond to life the same way.
And, likely there are some things about your wife you just didn’t know.
Over the years, through counseling training and actual counseling — and learning from my wife — I’ve observed some things. And, I’ve realized some men simply don’t know them — or don’t realize how important they are to their wife.
Here are 7 things you may not know but you need to know about your wife:
You step on her feelings more than you know.
You just do. And, you don’t even mean to — or know that you are most of the time. She may think you do, but you don’t. You’re just not as aware of how she’s wired emotionally. And, most of the time she overlooks it. She knows it wasn’t intentional. But, it hurts. And, the more you do it the more it hurts. So be careful with your words.
And, that leads to the next one.
Your words are heavier than you think they are.
You need to know that. When she asks you how she looks, for example — yes it is a quandary on how to respond and there are plenty of jokes around about that dilemma — but your response matters. Probably more than any other response of her day. It’s a small question to you but big question for her. And, you communicate things to her continually through how you say what you say and the body language you combine with your words. And, they weigh a ton to her. A ton.
She wants you to take the lead.
At least occasionally. I know all the women’s rights issues cloud this for you. It can be confusing, but there’s likely something in your wife just waiting for you to make a decision. She values your input and she wants you to lead in the home as well as she sees that you can lead elsewhere. And, speaking on behalf of men, I know you don’t always want to be the leader. She’s better at making many of the decisions than you are. Still, she’s waiting — hoping, that you’ll step up where you need to lead.
She doesn’t want to be like her mother.
Or to be compared to her mother. And, these type jokes aren’t funny. Ever. Trust me. And, in fact, she doesn’t want to be like any other woman either. She wants to be seen for the unique wonder she is — which by the way was God-designed.
She is likely with you even when she’s not.
At least in her mind. Our wives are very relational. So if she asks about your calendar– now you know. She’s not trying to be difficult or suspicious. She’s trying to be with the one she loves.
It’s okay just to hold her hand.
And, also, to occasionally be romantic. You may have established a long time ago that you’re not the romantic type. She may realize she married funny — or serious — or dedicated — more than romantic. But, every woman needs a little romance occasionally. It makes her feel special — especially when it comes from you.
The way her world looks is often how her heart feels.
All her world. The house, for example, you think it doesn’t matter, but to her it reflects her — not you. She’s also conscious of what others think of her appearance. She carries this burden heavier than she wants to sometimes. Don’t diminish this to her. Understand it.
- Current Mood:enlightened
@digzmania 😍 That's so sweet! Where are you taking her for date night?— Romantique Jewelers (@RomantiqueJewel) July 8, 2016
All she could see at first was long, wavy hair and broad shoulders. Glad I was able to be a pleasant surprise. 😌😯😋😉 pic.twitter.com/C4liY6YrZ1— D.Mullen (@digzmania) July 8, 2016
I get more attention from ladies, and friendly compliments, because of my long hair than I can shake a stick at. Women love my hair.
Some are jealous, and want my hair. Some just admire my hair and tell me how it looks very nice. Many tell me how beautiful it is.
I won't deny it, I LOVE the attention from all of the ladies over my long hair.
- Current Mood: flirty
I hope you are doing well, and have a fun and safe holiday weekend with your family.
I'm not sure if this is the correct place to send this question to you, or if you will answer, but will send it anyway.
I admit that it has been quite some time since I spent any time on LJ, and was glad to see that your journal is still active. However, I have noticed that most of what ends up on your journal is usually just a copy of your twitter feed from one or two twitter accounts. Is there a reason why you no longer post more detailed accounts of your life's experiences and stories? Do you currently journal somewhere else? I used to enjoy reading about your adventures because I found that a lot of the same things you would write about are things I have faced in my own life.
Thank you for your question and comments. Yes, my journal is still very much active. Apparently, even though many of my former journal friends are no longer actively posting, LJ is still very much a thing in some parts of this place called the internet. To be honest, I was not (am not) aware that anyone even still reads my journal. My stats page indicates that there are between 8 to 12 unique visits to my journal per day; but I assumed that most of that traffic was server bots and not any real person.
But, your observation about the twitter feed is quite accurate. I currently have two twitter accounts. one that i use for social interaction with friends, and a second that is strictly for flirting posts between myself and my wife. I don't allow anyone other than her to follow, or post to, that account; and I immediately block anyone who tries to. Although it is not strictly private, or blocked, it is not out there for the public either. The daily digest from that twitter account downloads to a private feed, and then cross posts here.
Because I am slightly more active on other social media (twitter, tumblr, instagram, FaceBook, etc...) than I am here, this journal has become part easy access archive of daily tweets and random thoughts, and part journal. With less emphasis on daily journaling than in the past.
Why fewer journal entries?
Well, there are several answers to that question:
My writing has typically had three purposes: 1) To vent daily thoughts and feelings in a way to release them from my mind. 2) To document my life's day to day journey (which now typically ends up on Facebook or twitter), and 3) To be able to share concerns or feelings with my wife in a way that I frequently find I am unable to do verbally in a face to face communication style.
Since Karen no longer chooses to view or read my journal with any regularity, journaling my thoughts and feelings take a lower priority to other emotional venting outlets. Even though other outlets have proven to be grossly less productive or helpful to my overall well being.
Why write about thoughts, feelings, and events to share with anyone else, when the person you would most want to share with won't read them.
All of that aside, I do want to begin writing more in this journal. I want to get back to a point where I keep a record of daily events, family events, and things that I would actually want to have someone remember about me after my time on this Earth is through.
The problem with that, is finding time, and also determining what to write that hasn't already been shared on another site such as Facebook. Realistically, it is much easier to post a few lines, and attach a photo that is tagged with a fellow FB user, than it is to write a journal entry, tweak the HTML code to format it the way I want it to look, and then post it where next to no one else will see it.
Like I mentioned earlier in this response. I was honestly convinced that no one else other than myself ever even visited this journal to read what I have written over recent entries. And even then, I am usually here to make sure that the twitter feed is still working, or to attach photos that are posted in the other feed sources.
I hope this helps answer your questions, and lets you better understand whee my journal is at in my current writing phase of life. If you are reading this, you have probably already noticed a significant increase in entries over the past month. And those will continue to grow, as I have several unfinished posts sitting in "draft" mode, that I will allow to publish publicly as they are finished.
Article by Kevin A. Thompson, July 7th, 2016
According to Mirriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary 10th Edition (the only High School graduation present I still use twenty years later), the definition ofdefinition is “a statement of expressing the central nature of something.” But that is actually the second definition. There are three others, including, “the clarity of a visual presentation” and “the clarity of a musical sound.”
The word definition has four major definitions and each of those are defined with a total of six other sub-points. The very definition of definition isn’t just one definition. The word can mean a variety of nuanced ideas.
In relationships, couples can go years using the exact same words but unknowingly meaning drastically different things. Because their definitions of words are different, they will assume they are communicating clearly about an issue without realizing they are talking past one another.
One of the best exercises a couple can practice is to simply ask the question–“what do you mean by that?” When discussing issues, one spouse might say, “Whenever you say _____, what do you mean by that?” This gives the other spouse an opportunity to explain or give examples of what the word means to them.
7 Terms Every Couple Must Define
1. Affection. It’s a common request from a spouse–“I want my spouse to be more affectionate.” But what does affection mean to you? For some it means public displays of affection. For others it means a touch or expressed comfort in private moments. What are the romantic actions from your spouse which make the most impact on you? If your spouse became more affectionate, what would that look like?
2. Quality Time. Do you feel connected with your spouse any time the two of you are together or do you desire more specific conditions? Does watching TV together feel important or do you need to be doing some other activity? How much time does it take for something to feel like it is quality time? Describe a situation in which you felt connected to your spouse because of the time you spent together. (See: No Wonder You Don’t Love Each Other)
3. Honesty. Do you consider your spouse dishonest if they fail to tell you all the relevant details or does honesty just mean an absence of lying? Can you describe a time when your spouse technically told the truth, but you felt betrayed? What are the expectations regarding honesty within your relationship?
4. Holidays. What do the different holidays mean to you? What traditions are most important? What do you expect to mimic from your family and what new traditions would you like to create? Are specific days important or do you just want to celebrate sometime around the event? What expectations do family and friends have of you regarding holidays? Which of those expectations do you want to meet and which ones are you willing to disappoint?
5. Budget. What are the financial rules for your house? What dollar amount exceeds the limit so that you have to speak to one another before you spend the money? Is it acceptable to get a loan without consulting your partner? Do you expect your spouse to tell you the full price of something or is it okay to not reveal how much was paid in cash vs. what was put on credit? (See: Do Not Commit Financial Adultery)
6. Faithful. Has your spouse been faithful to you simply if they don’t have sex with another person or is there a different standard? What type of texting or talk with a person of the opposite sex violates faithfulness? What are the concrete physical and emotional boundaries regarding relationships with other people?
7. Romance. What do you consider romantic–does it have to include flowers, nice clothes, and alone time or are you more moved by a thoughtful action which alleviates some stress from your life? How much romance would you like? Is there such thing as too much?
Different words mean different things to different people. When we fail to define key terms and simply assume everyone is talking about the same thing, we guarantee miscommunication. When we take time to clarify what is meant by individual words, we reveal our desire to understand one another and ensure better communication.
What word would you add to the list? What is a word which you and your spouse have differing definitions for?
Author: Kevin A. Thompson, husband, father, and writer.